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Episode 101

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Mario Song Lyrics

Boomerang Brother's Site
Shadow Void

Opening Theme (Season One, Episode One)

In the very distant future, tomorrow AD
Is a guy named Wasuki, not to different from you or me
He went to the average high school
Just another face who thought was cool
But as he studied for his research page
His teacher who hated him shot him into space

I'll send him cheesy fanfics
The worst I can find (la la la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
While I monitor his mind (la la la)
Now keep in mind he can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of robot friends

Robot Roll Call

Cambot (pan left)
Nanites (we are evil)
Magic Pilot (Not just a voice)
Croooow (wisecracker)

If you're wondering how he rakes the leaves
And other silly facts (la la la)
Then repeat to yourself "it's just a show
I should really just relax"

For Mystery Science Fanfics 3000

Prologue:

*Space: Blank. You hear the 2001: Space Oddyssey song <Nature Boy Ric Flair theme to you other dopes out there> as a familiar bone-shaped ship eleveates into orbit, as scream of "NOOOO" increase in volume until the ship comes into a complete stop. A human enters from the doors*

Human: NOOOOOOO...oh...that was completely refreshing. Let me take a look out the window...hey it's like my screensaver, cool! Oh...and there's...EARTH? *pause* How am I ever gonna finish my report now? Wait, who's this? *pan over to everyone's favorite gold-ridden robot*

Crow: Heh heh heh. *he's looking into the telescope* And so I said, "How would you like to be my new Saturday Night thing?" *shows through the telescope as he and some Nanites are laughing, then Crow turns around* Erm, have you been helped?

Human: Oh, no I haven't. My name is Wasuki, and...

Crow: I'm sorry, we don't have that drink here. Oh, that's you're name? Um, why does it smell like dead fish in here?

Wasuki: Oh, I think I need to sit down. *sees an empty seat with a pilot controlling device in front of it*

Magic Voice/Pilot: Hey, what are you doing? You're sitting on me!

Wasuki: Ahh, oh no I'm sorry *gets up*

Magic Pilot: ...well I hope you should be. And commercial sign is in 15 seconds.

Wasuki: Really? We're on TV?

Crow: Yea, come over here meatbag. See that camera there? That's Cambot. Say hey, Cambot! *the screen shakes* Yea, and he's gonna be turning off right...now. *Commercial sign*

Host Segment 1

Crow: ...go on.

Wasuki: OK. Hi everyone, my name is Wasuki on the...on the...

Crow: Sattelite of LOVE! Gosh...

Wasuki: Right, and that's Crow T. Robot, and Magic Pilot and the Nanites are here...*Mads light* um...what now?

Crow: Press the button.

Wasuki: Like a man! *pushes*

*we see an elderly man writing things on a black board and turns around to the camera*

Elderly Man: Ah, Wasuki. How's the paper coming?

Wasuki: *leans in* Mr. Hollingsworth?

Mr. H: No, I'm Joe Louis.

Crow: Weirdo.

Wasuki: Mr. H, tell me why is it that you set off the SOL, I mean "fallen artifact" when I went inside?

Mr. H: Simple. I have no life, so torture is my only option.

Wasuki: But aren't you a teacher? As in, you teach?

Mr. H: I always wanted to be "evil," but I couldn't. Sad, ain't it?

Crow: Not really.

Mr. H: Silence! *door knocks* Ah, the package is here.

*the door is open and an anthro wolf with wings in a potato sack overalls comes in. Nametag says "Narton," and the front spells out "S.P.U.D."

Narton: *annoyed voice* SPUD, I mean *cheery voice* Spacechildren-to-Parents Universal Delivery here to bring you your little potato of joy. *sighs* His name is Scratch!

*a Spacechild (basically an adult's body that crawls on it's knees and has superpowers and a child's mentality) comes out the nearby potato sack*

Scratch: Daddy!

Mr. H: Um..yeah. I'm not paying for this?

Narton: Not again. I guess I'm gonna have to pawn my "Survival Kit" *holds a suitcase* again.

Scratch: Doggy!

Narton: That's insulting. I'm not a dog I...

Scratch: *singsongy* Mean little doggy with wings like a dove. Send the big meanie to the Sattelte of Love

Narton: You mean the artifact? How do you know about...*he disintegrates and appears on the Sattelite of love. Cambot swings back to show the bridge*

Narton: ...that? *looks around* Oh jeez, we're in orbit!

Wasuki: *reads* Narton...how ya doing, "Nart?"

Crow: Nart...heh.

Nart: That's not funny...

Mr. H: On second thought, I like the kid! Let me explain. I have a lot of awful papers from some of the less-educated children of your school. I ran out of medication needed to appreciate their papers, so I'm going to send them through the hologram with the seats.

Crow: Ah, the theater.

Mr. H: Shut up. I needed an assistant for the project, but your guidance counselor's arm was stuck in the vending machine again, but I also needed someone else to torture, so that's where you come in my furry friend. *giggles* And some of these kids write about their silly video games, so today I'll send you a two-parter StarFox fic apparently written from that foreign exchange student. Served also with a stinky side of "Luigi's Mansion Deluxe," a story about Super Mario's little brother.

Nart: Super Mario! *pulls a Pittsburgh Penguins jersey out of his Survival Kit and puts it on* He rocks...but I thought he was related to Claude...

Wasuki: Uh, it's another Mario...

Mr. H: Precisely. And now I'll send you your torturous stories!

Scratch: *grabs behind Mr. H and puts his hands around his eyes* Play!

Mr. H: Ah! Potato smells! It stings! *he struggles to the desk to push the button*

Crow: *sirens go off* We got MO...uh, FANFIC SIGN! *runs back as Nart and Wasuki stare agape* Uh, if you don't go, he'll cut off the air and you'll die.

Wasuki: Oh, I guess we better go.

Nart: Yea.

6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...

*They enter the theater, Nart first, then Wasuki, and Crow of course, just in time for...

Disclaimer : This game itself wasn't too good, but the storyline was very good, so I'm doin' a fic on it...

This the Luigi fic? They both sucked really.

I thought this was about Claude Lemieux? You're nothing but a hollow liar!

Sorry, I was trying to make you feel better.

Am I boring you with my stupid disclaimers?...yeah, I am.
*Sniffs* Hey, it's like he can read my mind.
Actual Disclaimer :

That fake disclaimer ate up 15 seconds of my life I'll never get back! *cries again*
I don't own anyone in this story, except for the 5 Boos who I'll name later,
But you'll always be my Boooo...

See, there ya go!
but I wish I owned Luigi and Booffant.
<as author> They’d make great stuffed animals…

Now let's start!

Luigi's Mansion Deluxe
Well, with Japan re-releasing games with extra footage, why not?
Chapter 1 (yeah, I'm not gonna name the chapters anymore unless I want to)
I'll do whatever I feel like-GOSH!
SCENE : E.Gadd's Lab

<E.Gadd> This is my lab...

I named him Rocco!

Woof!

...and THIS is my laboratory...
Professor E.Gadd's lab was not an ordinary lab, even by secret laboratory standards.

It was a funkadelic lab.

Oh yeah…

In it was a gallery with 22 paintings in it. What makes that odd?

The fact that a laboratory has paintings is a start…

That's going over the limit in blackjack, for one.
1. They were all paintings of ghosts.
And fifth...
and 2. Those ghosts weren't always paintings. In fact, they weren't going to stay paintings for the rest of their lives...

They were going to move down to Casa Bueno, in Florida!

But they're dead...oh my head hurts.

"There, it's finished!

I just wrote the Bible!

I've invented FLUDD, a Flash Liquidizer Ultra-Dousing Device and a Magic Brush

Fanboy Flash News update!

(for Super Mario Sunshine fans who weren't aware of this, yes, E.Gadd made both FLUDD and Bowser's Jr's magic brush)

And that's Nintendo Fanboy News!
These are sure to be a big hit!" E.Gadd said excitedley. "But it's a shame, I worked so hard on the Poltergust 3000 and nobody ever bought a single one. It's a darn shame.

From disastrous film to natural disaster, an improvement really.

But at least I got all the paintings!"

Gotta collect ‘em all, I guess…

"Who said you'd get to keep them?!" said a voice behind him

<as the voice> They’re rentals, you know…

"Huh?" he turned around to see a Boo with a blue tongue and a crown

Psychedelic! Oh yeah…

<Nart and Wasuki start doing “Whackachika” noises>

The costume party is this way… <points at the left most part of the screen>

"I think these ghosts would like to be changed back into ghosts now!"
Who's talking?
"You're just one ghost, you couldn't do that all by yourself!" E.Gadd said

"Says who?"
"Says my Brill Cream!"
"Says this! Taste the power of my Poltergust 3000!"

With new Beef and Tortilla flavor!

Then E.Gadd tried to suck up

To his boss for a raise.

King Boo, who was very freaked out now

Dryly: Elizabeth, they're taking me away, I'm coming to join you, Elizabeth.

"GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT!"

"Never!"

"BOOS! HELP ME OUT HERE!"

Then King Boo slapped him with a sexual harassment suit.

In a flash, 40 more Boos appeared.

The ghosts of Ali Baba's thieves!

19 Boos held down E.Gadd,

Joe Montana, Kansas City days.

21 took one painting each,

Deion Sanders, non-Baltimore.

and King Boo himself picked up a portrait of a huge Boo.

Al Davis, present day.

They then all headed for a strange large machine in the back.

Minions! Collect ice for the hotel room!

"No! That's my Ghost Portificationizer! I used that to turn all the ghosts into paintings!

Do the plot twist! *shakes*

That thing also works in reverse!..

It turns paintings into ghosts?

.I probably shouldn't have given away that little detail, should I?"

*comedic failure noise* Wop-wop-=wahhhhhhh...

the defeated scientist said with his head drooped

<Droopy> I don't like you.

"Nope, get to work, Boos!" The king commanded as they all put the paintings in one by one.

In their Foo Fighters CD case then.

Soon, all the 22 paintings were free,

After escaping Castro, the 22 paintings took refuge in Key West…

and the giant Boo's picture had split into 15 more Boos,

asexually via sporing?

making the grand total of Boos to be 56

Lawrence Taylor!

OK honey, that's enough.

(yes, I know in Luigi's Mansion there were 51, but I have Boos of my own which I'll introduce later)

Or earlier in your disclaimer.

"Now, how'd you like to share their former fate, E.Gadd?"

Sharing is caring. Everything I know I learned in kindergarten.

King Boo said as he grabbed the scietist and prepared to shove him into the machine

Scietist? Is that like Scyther’s little brother?

"Hey, boss!"

Springsteen?

Tony Danza?

...Vince Russo?

Crow, you son of a...

Hey c'mon, the story's tearing us apart.

We're sorry.

one of the Boos said suddenly "There's some guy approaching our phony mansion!"

Hugh Hefner?

No, its Ed McMahon…and he’s got a check!

"Who is it, Bulbous Boofant?" (Yep, Bulbous Boofant is one of my original creations)

(Quiz Show) Will our mystery guest enter and sign in please?.

"If my eyes haven't gotten screwy,

<as Ben Stein> For dry eyes…

than it's...Mario!" Bulbous Boofant replied as a smile crossed his face

But not forgetting to look both ways.

"Ah, I see one of our two guests has already arrived" King Boo said

Quick! Turn off the lights and hide!

"I'll deal with you later" he said to E.Gadd as he dropped him

Oh my spine.

<cracking noise>

"Everyone, head towards that mansion!" he commanded as the 55 other Boos and 21 Portrait Ghosts headed for the mansion.

But without the artistic beauty as the wildebeast stampede in Lion King.

After they were all gone, E.Gadd got up and dusted himself off

Ya gotta get that dirt off your shoulder.

"Well, this ain't good.

Da-derm varmint.

I can't chase after all those ghouls myself, even with my Poltergust 3000. I'll need some help"

Giving up seems easier though.

Meanwhile, in the Mansion's Foyer...

Something unimportant was going on…

Mario was a bit stunned.

Why wasn't I in a Gamecube launch title?

Luigi had called him an hour ago saying he'd won a huge mansion.
But not only did Luigi ever enter the contest, but on the map he had sent me,

Sent who? Cindy Lou-hou?

it looked like a big-ass cool house.

That house must have trouble fitting into tight pants, I guess…

But for real, it looked like a big-ass ghoul house.

Oh, he played on the word, *dry laugh*

He had nothing to do but explore while he waited for Luigi,

We are just as confused as you are, folks.

when suddenly, the chandelier above him fell off its hinges.

Syringes, peach, pears, plumbs...

He dived out of the way narrowly avoiding getting squashed by the chandelier.

They wasted a perfectly mint antique chandelier. Nice going, fic.

"Momma mia!

Here we go again! My my, how can I ever let you go!

I-a hope this house-a isn't what it-a seems to be-a!"

<Mario> I hope its not a crack house…

In his haste of running, he crashed into someone else "YAAHHH!!"

...HOOOOO! *yahoo jingle*

he screamed as the other creature screamed...

We all scream, for ice cream!

before he realized who it was.

Senator Tom Daschle.

"Wario? What in de hell-a are you doing here-a?" Mario said, no longer scared

I'm scared...now I'm better. Hehe.

"Trying to make sure no one gets in this damn house!" Wario replied, a bit annoyed

<Wario> Well I've already failed my main goal in life. Yourself?

"Do you-a mind telling me why-a?" Mario asked

...we have to deal with this stereotype through the whole story?

"This house is frigging haunted! Waluigi won the same contest yesterday and we just barely got away!-I assume you won to?"

I ashume that you have some?

"No, Luigi did-a. And that is-a bull-a! You're-a probably just-a trying to scare me and-a Luigi so you and your brother can-a have this house all for yourself-a!"

And then a….a…this bully attack me and, a and un stole my money and a….a…..yeah….uh….

"Fine, ya know what, I don't know why I really care, I mean I hate you!

Do I?

I could care less if you got caught! Bye-bye!" Wario ran out the door.

Jim Morrison however didn't survive.

"I'd wish-a to be-a caught before I'd-a listen to that fat ass-a wipe for another second-a!"

And if you can't write a masterpiece, you'll still do well with lots of adult language.

Mario said as he turned around to come face to face with King Boo and his army

<as King Boo>You the one writing anti-Boo stuff all over the bathroom walls?

"Guess what? You got your wish!"

The wish is granted Long live Jambi!

"MOMMA MIA!"

Mario is a bad Abba fan…

Mario screamed as the Boos grabbed him and carried him off

He's certainly MIA now.

Meanwhile, in front of the mansion...

...Elliot Ness and his men reach the local underground brewery to bust a shipment.

"Did he listen?" Donkey Kong asked hopefully

<as DK> I got him those Eric Clapton albums for a reason…

"Of course he didn't!" Wario replied "What made you think he'd listen to me! I win the bet!"

Of course, Wario is the only one who bet on Buster Douglas…

"Damn!" Donkey Kong yelled as he handed $50 to Wario

This is pretty much Nintendo when Reggie Fils-Aime gets done with it.

"You two are still forgetting that this place is really haunted!" Waluigi said

Who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters?

No, I’m serious. I need sleeping pills, or something…

"Yeah, but no Mario or Luigi means we can be the main stars of the game!" Wario said.

Because Wario World was such a huge success too...*sighs*

"Yeah, except that Mr. Miyamoto would kill us for just letting that happen" Bowser pointed out

<as Bowser> Over there, an uninteresting plot detail!

Nah, Shiggy just likes wearing fuzzy sweaters and playing with plants.

"...Hey! Maybe if we help get Mario out, then we could be stars in the game as well!" Wario said suddenly

Super Bowserioigi Brothers?

"Sure that might work...speaking of which, here comes Luigi, let's get a head start!"

Jumping the line too early. False start on the offense. 5 yard penalty, still first down.

said Waluigi as they all ran into the mansion.

BONK! You have to open the door!

"Hmm...this seems to be the-a place"

Where everybody knows your name.

Luigi said as he looked up from his map. It was the mansion all right. "I wonder-a why it looks so-a spooky.

Trading Spaces never finished this job…

Perhaps because of the-a storm-a. Ah well, I can't-a wait to move in-a this big-ass mansion-a!"

Why not big-butt, or big-boned mansion?

he said as he went inside. However, no one was there.

Yay, so we can go now?

Yea, let's take a break. *leave*

1...
2...
3...
4...
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6...
Host Segment 2

Nart: Y'know, there are a lot of Nintendo's big franchise players in this story.

Wasuki: Oh yeah, tell me about it.

Nart: Y'know, Nintendo has so many characters running around you could probably make a football out of them. Ironic, since sports doesn't sell on a Nintendo console.

Wasuki: Well guys, I happen to have a mural here in the shape of a football field. We could write down depth charts.

Crow: Yes folks, it's time for...X's and NintendO's.

Nart: First...quarterback. Oh this is so obvious, it has to be...Link. No question.

Crow: What are you talking about? You only like him because he looks green.

Nart: Yea, so who would you pick?

Crow: Yoshi. He throws eggs, almost like footballs, and he can run like Vick.

Nart: Yea, so when he hurts his fibula and can only play 3 games, Nintendo's screwed against the Sony varsity team. Link has leadership. Have you ever listened to Yoshi? It's all about him. "Yoshi!" and "Yoshi!," or he whimpers like a dog.

Crow: And Link is a true wordsmith? All he says is "haa" and "eyaah." I'd hate to see the mess on the field if he tried to call and audible. He can throw Bombchus? Big deal.

Nart: Well what would you know? You..
Magic Pilot: Commercial sign in 15 seconds.

Wasuki: Hey, guys, hold on a second! Nart, you seem to have a lot of anger, especially in the theater. What's on your mind, buddy?

Nart: If I came back, I was gonna get a pay raise. We've never even been to the Solar System before.

Wasuki: Well we're all in this together, I'm gonna get a failing grade on my paper. And low attendance...anyway, we'll be right back. *hits button*

Commercial

Mario was supposed to get there first.

But he thought the tortoise would never get there in time so he just fooled around.

"Hello? Mario?" Luigi quickly got out his flashlight.

NBC Mystery Movie! *shocked by Wasuki*
"Maybe he's-a in there." He walked up the stairs and tried to open the room to the parlor...but it was locked! "That's-a strange"

You have found a key. Would you like to pick it up? Yes-No.

"eee-hee-hee-hee"

Watch it, it could be a band of angry jawas!

Luigi then turned around to see a key...floating in midair!

David Blaine’s house key?

He nearly screamed when it fell to the floor suddenly and then the orange cloud that had been surrounding it flew through the parlor door.

25 words.

Having nothing else to do,

No goldfish to feed

he picked up the key, and guessing correctly, he tried it on the parlor door and it opened.

The fanfic that's really a walkthrough in disguise!

But this room was almost as dark as the foyer...and apparently the foyer would've been a better place to hang around in,

What with it's refreshments and all

because just then, a ghost appeared in front of the green missile (what? That's my nickname for him)

MY story. MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!

"YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

It was the ghost of Howard Dean!

Luigi screamed as he tried to back away from the ghost, which of course, was useless as he soon bumped into the door "MAMA-MIA! LEAVE ME ALONE-A!"

Damn you, house designers!

He screamed as though determined to scare the ghost off,

Eeeeeep!

Woooooo!

Aaaaaah!

it just laughed and kept advancing on him, just then, it got pulled back by...a strange old man in a white coat with a vacuum?!

Colonel Sanders Cleaning Service!

"What in-a de hell is-a this? A game?" (Yep it is)

Universal Studios Adventure was better than this crap!

That's an overexaggeration.

The ghost tried to run away from the vacuum force and dragged the old man across the floor for about 20 seconds

He’s fighting the Oreck man!

before he got smart and smacked the man right on his jaw, knocking him backwards. The ghost then laughed and disappeared

So the ghost, who’s winning the fight all of a sudden wussies out? What the ?

Maybe he had to meet up with that other lion, the Darkness.

"Ouch" the guy said "Damn, I sure take a lot of knocks in this work."

Would you like to try the extra-crispy recipe?

He got up and looked at Luigi "I'm getting too old for this ghost tom-foolery...

I'm getting too old for this s... *Wasuki closes

Anyway, nice to meet you, I'm Professor Elvin Gadd, E.Gadd for short.

Don't bother helping me up or anything.

This house...I swear it seems to have more ghosts everyday...What's a young fella like you doin' here anywho?"

Drinkin booze, got a problem with that?

"I'm looking-a for my-YAAAAHHH!!!"

McCloud goes for the Fire Fox.

he screamed as another ghost appeared behind him...E.Gadd quickly attempted to suck it up with his vacuum cleaner...and succeeded in catching the ghost...except it wasn't a ghost

It was Liza Minnelli!

"HEY! It was just a joke, get my ass out of here!" screamed a voice that Luigi recognized

Nintendo just can't payoff T ratings for games like Smash Bros. anymore, so they go out and do this.

"Waluigi?!" Luigi said in a shocked voice

And awed.

"Yes, dammit! Now let me out of here!" Waluigi yelled as E.Gadd opened it up and let him out.

<Waluigi> *gasping for breath* You…..trying…..to….kill me?

"What in-a the hell are-a you doing-a here-a?" Luigi asked him

Why'm I-a falling-a to a-hurtful-a Italian-a stereotype-a?

"Well, first of all, it's more like we." Waluigi replied as Wario, Donkey Kong, and Bowser appeared from the back of the foyer

And the plot thinnens.

"And we want to help out so we can be in the game as well!"

Aww, the author is talking to himself. How cute….

"Well, umm-a, ok, but this is just a temporary alliance-a right?" asked Luigi hopefully

After the WWE Invasion angle, I don't wanna hear alliance again. EVER.

"For everyone except Donkey Kong, considering he patched things up with Mario about 10 years ago" Wario said

They only squashed the beef because Donkey tested positive for AIDS.

So that’s why Mario left Pauline…

"The author recently became a big fan of mine" Donkey Kong said

Hopefully not through those Rareware games.

"Oh and, you'll have to stop using that fake Italian accent, or the author will explode"

DO IT, DO IT!

"Good, I hate this accent anyway."

You're not earning any brownie points from me for that.

"Umm...I've only had one line so far besides this one" Bowser said "So, look over there!"

Hey Bowser, no small parts, just small actors, remember?

They all looked in the direction he was pointing and 5 more ghosts appeared

How? Who know, it's WACKY!

"Uh-oh, this looks ugly!"

Like a Missy Hyatt video?

E.Gadd remarked "Follow me back to my lab, posthaste!"

Post-it notes?

and they all took off

Waluigi in the lead, with E. Gadd not far behind…

Vroom.

Next chapter, ...umm...I dunno what'll happen...you'll have to wait and find out!

8 months and still counting, and nothing. Maybe he got the hint.

*exit and commercial*

Host Segment 3

Mr. H: Guys?? I...don't know what to do.

Wasuki: Well, what's the problem?

Mr. H: Scratch is sleeping, thanks to some sodium pentithol...

Crow: Yea, what's the problem.

Mr. H: Scratch does magic things! When he sleeps.

Nart: So can Trumpy, what's the point? Hey, why're you wearing that hat?

Mr. H: He turned my hair blonde! All the teachers will think I'm hip when I wanted to be a hated outcast! He can do the unexplainable...

*Crow receives a zap and nothing happens.* I don't understand what that was about.

Mr. H: Exactly! And he can do the magnificent!

*Wasuki's clothes are gone and is replaced by a nifty orange jumpsuit* Oh, this is really nice, thank you...

Mr. H: And he can do the most evil of eivls!

*Nart's wings are missing and he is shhrikened to a puppet, Servo-size* AHHH! I'm gonna fall from the table

Wasuki: I got ya.

*Earth, the door knocks* Ah, I contacted Bob from the S.P.U.D. I have to return him...he stinks. Or it's the teenagers who come in early to go on the computer and type "dude" to each other.

*sound from Door* Dude!

Mr. H: Hey, get back in the theater! *pushes button*

Wasuki: Oh, we got fanfic sign!

6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...

"Life Isn't Enough!"

Why does it sound like a reject Bond title?

Death is satisfactory! I can't get up into my seat.

Here, let me carry you.

Much better.

In five years after Fox defeated General Scales and Andross,

Or Andross killed Scales, and Fox got Andross.

Krystal stayed with the Starfox team.

Gentlemen, start your grammar checkers.

I’m equipped with my Microsoft Word spell check…

She is a member of the Starfox;

<Author> Let me make sure that sounds right.

krystal has Fox (a little bit),

She traded Fox's title deed for Smore Schnapps?

but something happens; she is really @#%$ off.

Her 401k got canceled?

She found out what she was wearing all this time?

Her computer performed an illegal operation?

Chapter: 1 the mission

Mission to Moscow…

In the Great Fox

Great FOX, Marty. We must go Back...to the Future.

Krystal: Hey, you guys what's up?

Just kickin' with my homies up in the west-siede.

Fox: nothing much really

Punctuation is scary.

Falco: yeah, only if Fox stop being a showoff to Krystal

Pot, kettle, black, Falco.

Krystal and Fox: shut up, Falco!

Not even a laugh track could make this funny.

Everybody laughs

...under an intense amount of morphine and other medications.

Peppy: calm down you two; it's okay if you guys like each other

Which ones? *hit by Wasuki* Ow...

No Falox talk here, mister.

But how did you know...

They looked at each other, and they blushed

The story that takes the bold step in not letting the audience in on who's blushing.

Falco: (smirked) hey, you lovefox we'll leave you alone see ya!

Is this a spaceship crew, or a bunch of 10-year-olds?

*chuckles*

Everyone left the kitchen, but Fox and Krystal

<Country Song> Hey good lookin', what YOU got cookin'?

Man I KNEW this Food Network special would never work!

Fox: hey um Krystal

<Native American Chant> Hey-um Krystal, Hey-um Krystal...

Krystal: nothing um Fox

I know you didn't ask me a question, but whatever!

They looked into each other eyes; they were about to kiss when suddenly

Krystal became sober again and realized her mistake.

Falco: sorry you guys, but we got message from General Pepper

The U.S. Army generals should give massages, but "don't ask don't tell..."

Krystal and Fox: right!

No, you're other right, sheesh.

General Pepper: Starfox team,

You're fired.

there is an army coming to corneia;

Cor-neia? Sounds more like an eye disorder!

we need your help!

Our lifetime supply of food has run out!

Or just the lollies...

Slippy: why do we have to save corneia

I mean it's just a planet with millions of people

Slippy Toad: The furry embodiment of Mr. B Natural!

Oh God no!

Everybody looks at him and then Falco leans over

Ugh, Falco, PLEASE.

C'mon, consider the person standing next to you before you do that!

and says

Rock me, Amadeus!

Falco: (whisper) he' s going to get it

I hope he gets those presents I wrapped for him.

Then their's was a big loud voice that hurt everybody's ears

General Pepper: THAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD!!!

<as Pepper> It was stupider then “Noakklangish Gibeersmasen!”

YOU GUYS PROTECT CORNEIA, DAMNIT!!

I AM CORNEIAHOLE!

I'LL OVERREACT AND SAY MORE CURSE WORDS AND CONTINUE TO ACT LIKE HOWARD DEAN!

Everybody laughed

Except for the people reading this.

Slippy: (embarassed) sorry sir

Doing my best.

Who made that man a gunner?

General Pepper: as I was saying there is a vemonian army is trying to take over corneia!

I did sir. He's my cousin.

Move on to the next joke.

Sorry.

Fox: (shocked) what! But we defeated Andross!?

<Fox> Um, did I?

General Pepper: I know, but I think that their really @#%$ off

<Pepper> We just defeated their army and took back the universe, I'm sure that'll make hjm happy…

Fox: when are they going to attack, sir?

At High Noon on Mega Mountain...starring Hulk Hogan.

General Pepper: tomorrow, Starfox team

I'll love StarFox, tomorrow...

When procrastinators become Generals!

Falco: you guys all heard the general;

Except for that deaf private, standing over there.

He's only a private EYE.

Ba-da-bing! *Drumshot*

we need a good sleep tonight

An instant Nyquill commercial!

Peppy: Falco is right! We all need some sleep for tomorrow

As if we didn't hear it the first two times.

General Pepper: (coughing) right! Pepper out.

And his Lonely Hearts club band.

Sorry, had a pencil down my throat.

Fox: you all heard what the general said? We wake up at 08:30 hours; got that?

No.

Everybody: sir, yes, sir!

Conformists...

Everybody was asleep waiting for the battle tomorrow, but
krystal can't sleep

Her narcileptic ways will turn victory in the hands of the Venomians.

Krystal: (startled) Ahh!! Oh it's just a dream; I hope I don't mess up

I wasn't asleep, but it was still a bad dream.

Fox was listening to krystal over the ventilators

What? Over a ventilator?

Fox: (whispering) krystal, are you okay?

<Fox> I wanted to check your breathing for a sec! Sorry!

Krystal: (whispering) oh, yes fox I am

...wondering why the hell there are ventilators here.

Fox: (whispering) ok, I just wanted to know if you are okay?

Didn’t she just answer that?

Krystal: good night, fox.

Goodnight, ventilator.

Fox: good night, crystal

Character just appearing right out of thin air.

Morning came and the whole C.A.F came to help the Starfox team to beat the evil army,

Just because they're on the opposition doesn't make them evil, does it?

and will they beat them to save cornreia?

Call our 900 number and vote!

Check it out in the next chapter

<Viewtiful Joe> Some like it Red Hot!

"Fox is Kidnapped! The Return of the Starwolf team!"

Let's not. C'mon.

*exit*
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Host Segment 4:

Wasuki: So...since when are ventilators used as walkie talkies?

Nart: Since now, I guess.

Wasuki: Where's Crow?

Nart: Crow? He went off, saying how the fic stole his idea...

Crow: *Panting* Hey guys! I finally outdid myself! I invented something! It's a black book! You put women's phone numbers in it!

Wasuki: Crow, you stole that off a commercial. And plus, it's already been done.

Nart: Even plus, there are no girl on board...

Magic Pilot: Hey!

Nart: Oh yes! Uh...well, sorry, you are disembodied, therefore you have no gender identification but if course! How could I forget the lovely, beautiful...uh...Magic Pilot, that's it...*nervous laughter*

Magic Pilot: Stuff it, Narty! I didn't evolve into a bodiless pilot overtime to be insulted by the likes of you!

Wasuki: But if she ain't interested in you, she won't like Crow...

Crow: Hey, how do you know that?

Wasuki: Well...*commercial light goes off* ...oh we'll be right back.

*commercial and enter*

Last time when we left off,

Previously on Life Isn't Enough...

the crew was informed that a big army, in space, was coming to destroy the beautiful cornreia!

It's more impressive because the army is IN SPACE!

Dontcha love how these armies prepare everything overnight?

The enemy was going to attack cornreia tomorrow; I hope the C.A.F and Starfox team had a good sleep for the battle ,

And I hope the audience knows that C.A.F. is Cornerian Air Force. Why am I talking?

They're about to have.

...pudding.

"Fox is kidnapped! The Return of the Starwolf team"

Geez, the fic that keeps on spoiling!

In space,

No one can hear you scream.

the armies are waiting for each other to make the first move

(army 1) No you make the first move!

(army 2) No you go, I insist.
(army 2) You sunk my battleship!
Whoever thought space chess would be so boring...

Falco: damn it! When are they going to attack?

You know, I'm out, I need a pee break.
You should've gone when you had the chance!
Won't you get killed or something by Mr. H?
Oh darn, I forgot.

Peppy: I don't know, but I think they're waiting for us to attack?

They use the rules of elementary school fighting. It's not like you're going to get suspended for starting the war...

Falco: (angrily) then I'll make the first move to start the war!

Is this the American Revolution, or a war in space?

Fox: no! Do not do it, Falco!

Ninnytendo 64.

We'll wait until they make the first move

<Krystal> I love getting attacked! Sounds erotic...

Krystal: but, Fox!

<as Krystal> I have a life!

It will the whole day if we don't attack

<as Krystal> That’s like, a whole 24 hours!

Fox: I don't care

if it takes 20 days; we will still wait

I'm sure our individual space ships have enough food for at least four days, though.

Krystal: okay, fox

OK player, pull up a chair.

Slippy: but, fox, what if one our men snap?

Twig soldiers snap easily, y’know…

Fox: (looking questionable)

Fox is questionable for Sunday's game against the Raiders...

...fanfic downgraded to doubtful...to make any sense.

I don't know damn it, but we'll try

We'll try to win this war, but chances are we'll lose like always...

They waited for one another to make the first move so that they could attack,

The Great, uh, Defensive War.

but then one of C.A.F soldier snaps

Ouch, that's got to hurt. His spine must really be brittle...

Soldier 1: (angrily) I'm going to destroy the ones who killed my father and that's them!

Then I'll destroy the ones who REALLY killed my father...

Soldier 2: calm down, man, it's not that serious, right?

You can always get another father.

Soldier 1: (madder) Damn it!

<as Soldier 1> We’re out of saltines!

I'm going to kill them

With kindness?

Sergeant: don't even move soldier

Nope! Don't even breathe...

Soldier 1: (anger lashes out) I can't take this anymore!

<Soldier 1> I...CAN'T...HOLD IT!

The soldier flew heading toward the Venomian Army

My erection has lasted over 4 hours, it's off to Levitra!

Fox: what the hell is he trying to do? Be a hero?

No, he just wants to ask one of the Venomians if they know where the fire button is...

Falco: that's what it looks like

A colon?[/u]

Sergeant: no, sir he just snapped

*quickly*...suplex by Ben

Fox: (angrily) damn it! He's going to screw the mission up

You Eeeeeedeot!

When we return to our planet, the high court may well sentence you to TOH-CHA!

He raced toward the army, his mind filled hatred, anger, and bitterness

His mind was a "Sour Patch?"

he knows what they did to his father like that when he fired at the army the war began.

Missing backstory, anyone?

Krystal: oh @#%$!

Do the receaps of the recap need to be so potty-mouthed?

He just fired at them

Fox: ok everybody this is it get ready for the war?

No Sir!

Everybody: sir yes, sir

Pheh...

Then one of the venomian ship shot at the ship

Kage is slipping on his battle rap words again...

and got destroyed, the armies went face to face and the great war began, and each others ships was being destroyed everywhere.

We waited for THIS? It's nothing more than a cheap Star Wars rip off!

Fox: damn it! There's to many of them we have to retreat

<Monty Python> Run away!

Thus ending the war. The End!

The war lasted an amazing 12 seconds!

Peppy: right! I'll tell everyone

War's canceled! Come on in!

Fox: good, I'll spread the word

<Peppy>Or you'll do it.

Good ol' Cornerian Army. Always knowing when to give up. What a bunch of...

Shh...Don't say it...

While he was spreading the word

Introducing, Word Butter!

he saw two familiar ships flying across space
Fox: (shocked) what the..?

[b\No! They gave Billy Joel a space ship! Watch out![/b]
Y'mean Kelsey Grammar?
No, Kelsey Grammar was given a helicopter.

Falco flies over to fox

That flies over to bit is getting old.

Falco: what's wrong, fox?

Um, when you're in a war, what do you DO again?

Fox: I thought I saw two wolfens flying

Wolves can...fly? What is this, 500 B.C. Greece?

I can fly, I mean I could...

Falco: you must be hallucinating, fox

Too many drugs. Like those warping scenes in StarFox Adventures.

Fox: yeah your right spread the word, falco

There is a lot of word spreading in these parts...

Falco: right, I will

He takes the word of a mentally ill fox...

Falco flies away, and fox saw the same ships again

<as a Wolfen> We’re back, sorry. We went to a 7-11 for a slushie.

but they were chasing a ship, it was krystal!

<Fox> I love those drinks.

She couldn't shake them;

But she could stir them, but that's a different story.

they shot at her, but fox interceded

Krystal: Fox, nooo!

I wanted to leave this fic! Why?

???: HAHAHA! I've finally captured the leader of the Starfox team, Fox McCloud!

Krystal: who are you?

Who-who,whooo-who?

Is it Newt Gingrich?

Actually, if you read it correctly, his name is "???."

???: I'm Wolf O Donnel,

Rosie's Uncle?

Leader of the Starwolf team

Still known to others as "Neil."

, and thank you for giving me fox, Krystal

<Wolf> I'm sure he'll look good next to my collector's plates...

Krystal: who did you know name?

Name is very well known around here. Nice guy, actually...

Wolf caught him and reeled him in

It's a big one! It could be a bass!

Wolf: I've my ways; ok, you guys we have what we wanted

He learned English from a deaf Chinese boy...

Wolf and his armies flew away and everybody thought that they won the battle,

But ultimately lost the war.

but they didn't know that fox was kidnapped falco flew towards krystal.

The author didn't believe in putting quotations, periods, or commas back then...

Falco: hey, Krystal were's Fox?

He's...around...*evil laughter*

Krystal: (sobbing) they kidnapped

<really fast> Kim, again!

fox!

Falco: WHAT!

YEA! OK!

Fox has been kidnapped by the evil Starwolf will they get fox out of this mess?

Well, first they have to clean it.

Runon sentences are fun I like icecream.

What will happen the Starfox team without fox, and what will happen Krystal without fox?

She’ll watch CBS, I guess.

Check it out in the next chapter

<Viewtiful Joe>20 Million Leagues Under the...

What did I say about moving to the next joke?

"Krystal in dismay, and The New Leader of the Starfox"

Thrilling I'm sure. Let's juice.

*exit*

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Final Segment

Wasuki: Wow, my spirit took a drain. How about you guys?

Crow: I don't know, but I'm thinking about another invention, let me go back to my nest, I'm gonna get right on it.

Wasuki: Uh sure. Hey Nart what are you thinking about?

Nart: Well I'm horrified for sure. Did you notice there's another chapter to this?

Wasuki: Yea, but I think the author got burned out and didn't finish it.

Nart: Oh I bet he did, and he won't publish it for his own desires. This can only lead to one thing, the most evil of all evils: self-insertion fanfiction.

Wasuki: Oh, you're saying the author dons a furry character and he becomes the new leader of the StarFox team?

Nart: Yes, but it's probably much worse than that, much worse...I've seen these kind of fics, they only lead to madness. Especially the Sonic the Hedgehog ones, so many humans have come to knothole claiming to be Robotnik's kid or come frrom a wormhole that the critters are practically outnumbered! Stupid fics where the Knothole gang without any hesitation whatsoever just let anyone join their silly resistance. "From another planet? Sure, help us fight the evil guy, you don't need to listen to his side of the story!" And they get girlfriends, and Sonic just becomes a background character and by the time it's done it's not even about the game or story it gets it's style from...*sobs*

Wasuki: Hey, chin up.

Nart: I guess you're right. Thank god that acid trip is over.

Wasuki: And you thought William Hung's English was bad...

Crow: *pants* I'm back! Hey! I got it! A device in which you can put on your hand and eat ice cream! The Ice Cream Glove!

Wasuki: No….you stole that from Ali G! Doh. Just give it up. Mr. H is calling…

~Mr. H appears on the screen. He appears to be in an empty classroom, but is arguing with Bob~

Mr. H: See, right there! "If unsatisfied, please return unused portion for a free refund!"

Bob: Dude. *pays money up and picks up Scratch, who gives puppy eyes*

Mr. H: Out baby, out baby! *door closes with the two gone* Ahem. So Wa-Suck-ee, how was the fic?

Wasuki: Very mind boggling. Makes me thankful that I properly know Enlgish…

Mr. H: You can properly thank me for that…

Wasuki: Actually, my teachers before you taught me all I need to know. You just…reinforced the same crap.

Mr. H: Quiet you! I’ll send you another stinker in script form! Next time...*powers off*

Wasuki: Ugh…

~A bell rings Mr. H turns around to notice the clock says 9:00~

Mr. H: Time for class! I’ll torture you later.

~the Hexi-Screen turns off~

Crow: I got it! A controller that is remote! You can change channels on the TV!

Wasuki and Nart: ENOUGH! ARGH!

CREDITS

Wasuki, Crow, Mr. H: Kyle Pineda

Crow T. Robot is a copyrighted/trademarked character of Best Brains Inc.

Narton, Scratch: Christopher S. Roberts

Fanfiction Research: Kyle Pineda

Host Segments: Directed.

"Life Isn't Enough" Written by "falco1"

"Luigi's Mansion Deluxe" by "Project Shadow99"

Special Thanks to:

Greg Livingston – Webmaster of the MSF3K website

Best Brains and the creators of Mystery Science Theater 3000 for the inspiration

All Misties worldwide

Teachers of America.

Questions or Comments to MSF3K: ktma23@gmail.com

Copyright 2005, a CheeseFin Production

* Fox was listening to krystal over the ventilators*

Submissions and rebuttals should be e-mailed to ktma@gmail.com. Proper credit will be given, and please tell me if you don't want your e-mail revealed on the site.