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Mario Song Lyrics
Episode 1, the one that is first, it's before all the others, I'm sure you're fairly familiar with it.
Mario was sitting in his house.
Mario: I'm eating potato chips!
He ate potato chips in his sleep. He liked sleep. Until one day...
Luigi burst through the door with a tense look on his face!
Mario: Oh no! I don't like potato chips any more!
Luigi: ...
Mario: Wahhhhhhhhh!
Luigi: ???
Mario: FRENCH FRIES ARE ALL THE CRAZE! Let's make a french fry stand!
Just as Luigi was about to speak, Golem karate chopped him on the foot.
Golem: High! :)
Luigi: You mean "hi".
Golem: That is...
Mario: What he said!
Golem: Yeah! What he said!
Luigi: False alarm! ~goes psychokinetic a la Pam~
Mario: You be good at that! Mimimimi, momomomo!
Golem: We've got to find out where Nick's ghost is!
Yahi: He's still alive!
Golem: Yahi talks?
Luigi: It is our PET!
Mario and Luigi: Neeeeeeeeooooooopets!
Golem: Oh! Well, in that case, we've got to find Best!
Luigi: Whyyyyyyy? I just ate a HOOVER! ~receives bag o' money for advertising~
Mario: You didn't eat it, but ghosts did!
Golem: Nick's ghost?
Mario, Luigi, and Yahi in sync: NO!
Yahi: Well, I've got to go now. So that MB Gold isn't sued by Yahoo.
Mario: But I thought you were just--~is stared at by everyone except Yahi, who is leaving~
Luigi: So, why do you need to find Best?
Mario: And why do we already know who he is, although we(nor anyone else) have ever heard o' him?
Golem: He's from a quaint little board I go to called Studio 64. ~is kicked by Mr. Goku and slapped by Linta~
Oops.
Anyhoo, I need to start the Bored Page season! But I can't if one o' the stars ain't there!
Luigi: Let's start!
Mario: Is he under the couch?
Couch: Nope!
Golem: O.o;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Luigi: We've got Sargeant Flutter acting as a picture tube in our TV, so Best can't be there...
Mario: Let's check that place called Studio 64!
Golem: We'll need to use a browser for that...
Minutes later, Golem, Mario, and Luigi all arive at Studio 51.
Golem: Errrrrrrr! Wrong one.
They use Super Leaves to turn into Racoon Mario, Luigi, and Golem, and fly over to Studio 64.
The entire place is like an old western diner.
Guy at the Counter(let's call him Mr. Goku): What can I do fer ya?
Golem: Mayonnaise shake, please!
Mr. Goku: We only have cheese-flavored thangs.
Linta: Stop making fun of my accent!
Simon: What accent?
Linta: You know, the accent!
Simon: ???
Linta: Oh, right. You came after my voice box was stolen.
Simon: Then how come you're speaking?
Linta: ~slaps Simon~
Mario: Where are all these people coming from?!
Golem: Noooooooo! The evil cheese has taken over Studio 64!
Take these, guys.
Golem gives a small beeper-sized gizmo with a button to Mario and Luigi.
Golem: Press the button.
As they each press the buttons, a translucent white sphere forms around each of the three.
Golem: Mayonnaise shields. They should protect us from cheese.
Luigi: I like cheese!
Golem: Not Microsoft brand. ~is given a bag of money from Netscape~ ~opens up bag~ Have you noticed how there's no money inside?
Luigi: I ate all mine.
Mario: I ate it.
Luigi: I did!
Mario: Fine. I didn't.
Best: ~walks up to the three~ Hi three people with translucent white spheres around them!
Luigi: How do we know YOU'RE Best?!
Best: It says so!
/\
/ | \
/ | \ ________
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| \___/ p | here!
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Mario: By golly you're right!
Best: I founded Best's Western.
Mario: Why thank you!
Golem: Best! You must come with me!
Best: Why?
Golem: First off to get out o' these cheesy environments, secondly to join in the Bored Page!
Best: This internet cheese was really getting to me! I'll gladly follow!
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Best: What's that mean?
Golem: That comes in different forms at the end of each Bored Page episode.
Best: So you made an episode about finding me?
Linta: ~as she's running by~ Yeppers!
Golem and Best look at each other with serious looks on their faces while Mario and Luigi go at it in a bout of rock, paper, scissors.
The screen fades to a lavish living room and one of those big fancy leather chairs. The camera shows the behind of it so you only see the tip of the head of the person sitting in it.
???: This is leather?! I ordered mine to be 100% Fire Flower!
???: It's kind of hard to have a conversation with myself, isn't it?
???: You said it!
???: And just what do you mean by THAT?!
???: No one gets along with you!
???: Take that back!
???: NO!
ThE eNd
Episode DOS(Two)!
A guide to internet goods:
| Good | Behavior |
| Mayonnaise | Justice-loving |
| Sporks | Noble |
| Llamas | Cheery |
| Goldwockies | Fun-Loving |
And evil:
| Evil | Behavior |
| Ketchup | Hot-Headed, Powerful |
| Foons | Terrorizing |
| Mustard | Persuasive; seems good |
| BBQ Sauce | Weak-Willed; enslaved by Bob the Builder and Evilpuff |
| Cheese | Tries to Copy Mustard |
| Cardboard Box | Alleyway-Sneaky; Mob Family |
| Paper Men | Mysterious and Clever |
| Bendy Straws | Horrible Attitude, Ketchup-Like |
Ways to battle internet evils:
-Mayonnaise shield: a forcefield made of mayonnaise
-Sporks: a sword of light
-Post Barage: get a bunch of posts set up, then have someone rush by them all and set them flying
Ways internet evils battle:
-Mustard Monster: mustard has a great being foretold to drown the world in mustard
-Cheese Paper: blue packaged toilet paper turns the toucher into a cheese duck
-Paper Plane: Paper Men have an agile way of travel
If You Can Count to Three, You Can Count the Number of Episodes This Makes the Count
In light of recent events(school, homework, dinner, etc.), this episode will be one of comedic relief.
~Golem, RealGTX, and Wasuki are hanging out in a room that is painted white top to bottom; like in those commercials, except without furniture.~
Golem: ~sigh~ Gilligan's Island 2: The Survivor is the only thing on TV...
RealGTX: No tienes cablo?
Wasuki: Cablo?
Golem: He's trying to say "cable" in Spanish.
Wasuki: Oh! Standard procedure, then! ~whacks RealGTX over the head with a Spanish-English dictionary~
Golem: ~He pulls a rope. A few seconds later, an alligator falls vertically on top of RealGTX, slipping itself over him, and thus swallowing RealGTX in one gulp. Then, going with the alligator's kinetic force, a trapdoor falls through and it falls straight into it. The trap door closes up, and Golem and Wasuki look back up.~
Wasuki: Wasn't that our last alligator?
Golem: I guess we'll hafta use empty mayonnaise jars from now on.
Wasuki: Couldn't they sue us, though?
Golem: You're right. The alligator is so swift and clean. How's our stock of digestive acids?
Wasuki: Last time we used that, Shade had to atomically reconstruct himself.
RealGTX: Hey guys.
Golem and Wasuki: Hey.
RealGTX: Is this conversation boring or what?
Wasuki: Well, that's because SOMEONE ~widens his eyes and looks at Golem, who lowers his head a bit and covers his hands on the back of his head~ forgot to order spiffiness.
Golem: Awww, forget it. I can go an' pick up some spiffiness once I'm on Christmas vacation. Starting Friday, I have off 'till January 3rd. (Based on truth! WOAH!)
RealGTX: Really? I must return to the Colo[u]red Pencil Institute this Friday so I can help the brothers and sisters of those only children.
Golem: European spelling 0wnz!
Wasuki: Boo yah, Li'l Big G! ~Golem, RealGTX, and Wasuki high-five~
RealGTX: Say... Was that our last alligator that ate me?
Golem and Wasuki: ~solemly nod, then three crocodiles fall from somewhere above and do what the alligator did to RealGTX to the three~
Mario and Luigi: ~stroll in~
Luigi: ???
Mario: I hate it when you say "Question mark question mark question mark?"
Luigi: I can't help it. It's those crocodiles! What happened to them, anyway?
Golem: They ate us.
Wasuki: Please keep your crocodiles under better control.
Best: Hey y'all!
Bowser: Who's up for tennis?
Toad: ~raising his hand and jumping up and down~ Can I be on your team?
Peach: NO! ~bats Toad away with her War Fan and hugs Bowser~
The End: ~strolls in~
Episode Four: Rumble in the Jungle -or- How Come No One Invited Me?
Our heroes, Golem, Best, Mario, and Luigi, are hanging out in some generic place, wherever they would hang out, like Studio 8 or something. Go ask the webmaster.
Mario: We must find cheese's weakness.
Golem: Maybe if we captured a Cheese Soldier we could question it.
Luigi: ~is typing away on a computer~ BOO-YAHTZEE!
Golem: Hehe, I got new glasses.
Best: What's up, Weege?
Luigi: 'Says here that cheese has been found to help many cultures defeat tyranical rulers and other people, but bent on world domination elsewhere.
Mario: Is this a trusty source?
Luigi: As slick as snot on a... Door knob? I think. That doesn't make sense, though. ~takes Golem's new glasses, looks through them, and puts them back on Golem~
Best: So what you're saying is that some booger is telling you that cheese is safe?
Golem: That's it! ~gets up, runs a lap around wherever they are, and returns to sit down~ It's Moco! Moco Loco!
Mario: Crazy Booger?
Best: Crazy Mucus!
Golem: Mucus.
Luigi: Booger!
Best: ~blows whistle~ MUCOOGER!
Golem: ~eats whistle~ Nevermind the translation o' his name. We've got homework to do!
Mario: Omigosh! I have tons of homework to do! I'll see you guys here tomorrow at 4:00 PM, okay?
Golem, Best, Luigi: ~nod and leave~
4:00 PM the next day...
~Golem, Best, Mario, and Luigi instantly appear~
Golem: ~hits his fist into the palm of his hand~ We know what we have to do, right?
~Cue music with trumpet intro~
Luigi and Mario: Weeee're Knights of the Round Table,--
Best: ~papercuts Mario and Luigi with copyright documents~
Golem: ~ahem~ I meant that we had to get those disgusting signatures off the Bored Page Petition.
Best: There's no way to!
Luigi: I hacked in, and there's no way.
Mario: Since when did you know how to hack into computers?
Luigi: ~takes an ax to the computer~
Golem: SHYEAH! You felled that one!
| Follow this Really Really Boring Link! |
Dah Dah Dah! The FNARPy Night, With Cameoing News Casters!
News Caster #2 Billion: This just in! On Friday, March 1st, 2002, our heroes have gathered enough information from February to declare cheese somewhat neutral!
News Caster #1: That's my line!
News Caster #-0: That's negative zero!
News Caster #2: Iiiiiii cameo-oh-oh-oh! ~limbos under the news camera, operated by--get this--Cameraman Joe!
Cameraman Joe: ...Dork.
News Caster #2 Billion: And now back to the story! ~jumps on newsdesk~
NTCooN: The picture stretches horizontally, then after a few seconds squeezes back in to show Golem, Best, Mario, and Luigi sitting at a table at the same place they were last episode, eating a broom--no wait--a flying sub!
Golem: ~ahem~
NTCooN: I mean, not eating anything, but rather, just hanging out! I wasn't abducted by aliens who accessed my brain for knowledge!
~flying sub bumps into NTCooN and forces him back into February's plot~
Best: ~is listening to a radio that just appeared on their table for no good reason~ Listen! It's Friday Knight--errr, Night All Request Party! Ef En Ay Ar Pea!
Host: Wasssssssssssuuuuuuuuup?!
~Golem, Best, Mario, and Luigi stare at each other~
Host: Gimme a break! Anyway, it's Finarp!
~Mario uses Super Jump on radio~ ~meanwhile, at the radio station~
Dan: ~inexplicably wearing a snorkel~ This is stupid.
Dentu: ~DODH, or Dances On Dan's Head~ Copyright Aorty!
42: ~back at The Pointless Forum, AKA TPF~ ~rolls his eyes~ ~realizes there's no radio he's listening to~
Dan: Wrong person! You have to DOHH, or Dance On the Host's Head! ~picks up Dentu and tosses him away a la Super Mario Bros. 2~
Host: ~promptly escapes over the air waves into TPF~
Dentu: Ah! Radio's here for us to use!
Dan: ~speaking into microphone, thus starting the Dentu and Dan Friday Night All Request Party, or DDFNARP, AKA Didifinarp~ All you listeners listen to this dude Dentu, okay? He'll speak after me! And if you don't listen, I'm going to impersonate Austin Powers! Don't want that!
Dentu: Yeah, bay-bay!
Dan: Oh, bee-hayve!
Whoops.
Dentu: In any case, the cheese taking over Studio 64 is evil! I know this for a fact because anything I say must go, or else the narrators will battle over which one is right! I am grinning really widely now! Mwahahaha! ~is really making a sad face~
Luigi: How dare he make a sad face after he said he was making a big grin! We ought to go over there and see if he is a koopa!
Mario: ~uses Super Jump on the radio~
Luigi: ~ahem~
Bowser: Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee endio.
May Flowers bring April Showers
Referee That Came out of Nowhere: The webmaster lost the story, then lost the story he rewrote that resembled it. Sheesh!
STEP 1: SET UP STORY
Golem: Okay, I'm going to MB Gold to make an important announcement.
Bob the Builder: ~gets involved in story prematurely~
STEP 2: FIND OUT JUST WHAT IS GOING DOWN
Evilpuff: I told BtB we were early, but NOOOOO, does he listen?
Bob the Builder: ~makes a frown that resembles Bill Cosby's heavy frown~
Golem: Now what do we do?
STEP 3: ADDRESS THE GOING DOWNAGE
RealGTX: Now is our chance!
Wasuki: To do what?
Bowser: Take out John Elway, dorks!
STEP 3.A: DEAL WITH ANY INTERFERENCE
Bowser: ~is handed a Bop-It to keep him busy~
STEP 3.B: GET BACK TO PLAN
Golem: ~whips out laser yo-yo~ I don't know how to yo-yo!
RealGTX: Leave this to me! ~collects seven super emeralds and fifty rings, then performs a double jump move and becomes Hyper RealGTX~
Wasuki: I think that we should send them to the pits of doom.
STEP 3.C: QUESTION HOW TO DEAL WITH THE GOING DOWNAGE
Golem: What?! How can we do that, even if it is a good plan?
Bob the Builder: I have two buttons that do what you want it too. I challenge you to a duel for them!
STEP 3.B: DEAL WITH ANY INTERFERENCE
(Applicable twice)
Wasuki: What SORT of duel?
Evilpuff: A ~breaths in heavily~ RUN AWAY!
Bob the Builder: Ack! There's no barbecue sauce!
Evilpuff: Has it rebelled?
Golem: I think we should do something Marioish!
Mario: Leave it to me! ~defeats Bowser~
Bowser: He's MAD good at gymnastics.
RealGTX: ~uses a fire flower~ BWAH! ~throws fire randomly around, which does nothing~
Wasuki: I shall do my math homework now, yesssss... MATH homework... ~makes an indistinct face and no one can tell what his current emotion is~
Fyre Ball: ~puts on Yoshi's Wings, flies up~ Arial strike! ~flies down softly and taps BtB's pocket to activate button~
Bob the Builder: ~is sent to Eternal Pit of Banana Peels~
Evilpuff: ~is sent to Eternal Pit of Crying Baby Mario Robots~
STEP 4: DANCE
Fyre Ball: I did it! I request permission to gloat, sir.
Sir: Pfft! No gloating on my watch! ~holds up arm with watch on it~
STEP 5: STOP DANCING
Golem: There will be a second May episode to conclude the season! Look for it!
The Trix Rabbit's Evil Time Continuim Plot
Arr, Matey: Captain! Captain Crunch: ~is in another naval fleet~
Why do you say that: Crew Member?
Narrator: ~pulls sheet over current scene, sheet has a picture of stars and conveyor belts on it~ Watch...
This is the Conveying Conveyor Thingamajig!
Person Who Looks Just Like Golem, but Eviler: ~hops into scene on a conveyor belt, looks about, wins five Olympic Medals~
Olympic Judges: Oh, wait, we aren't here!
...How'd we do that in unison? ~run out of scene~
Evil Golem: ~rides conveyor belt until he arrives on top of the Statue of Liberty~
Lady Liberty: I will NOT sneeze...
Golem: ~also on top of the Statue of Liberty with RealGTX, Wasuki, and Fyre Ball~ Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuueberry MUFFINS!
RealGTX: Yeah-eah-eah-eah-eahhhhhhhhh!
Wasuki: They taste so...
Fyre Ball: MUFFILICIOUS!!!
RealGTX: Too bad we don't have alligators.
Evil Golem: ~walks up to other four~ This isn't a kind of an prologue for the Bored Page Movie 2, would it?
Golem, RealGTX, Wasuki, Fyre Ball: Let's go watch Ninja Tootles IV: The Five W's of Composition Evility!
Diploma: I cameo.
Evil Golem: 'Cuz I'm about to BREAAAAAAAAAK into little itty pieces!
Michael Richards: I 0wned in UHF!
Little Itty Pieces: ~recieve Evil Golem when he breaks, then he gets himself out and pulls himself back together~
Golem: What shall we do now?
Lady Liberty: Sneeeeeeeeze the night away! Whee!
Evil Golem: This will not do. I must act stupidly cool and separated a la Shadow from Sonic Adventure 2.
Golem: Evil Golem! What do YOU want?!
Evil Golem: Like you've met me before?
Golem: YOU were the guy who cut in front of me at the library checkout, remember?!
Evil Golem: I've never been here before, except to...
ANNOYED GRUNT!
Wasuki: I'll go get my singers.
Fyre Ball: The "ANNOYED GRUNT!" was spoken, not sounded out.
Wasuki: If I bring my singers in, I can sue Golem! Oh, wait, that'd be evil.
Evil Golem: ANNOYED GRUNT!
Lady Liberty: What do you want to do now?
Golem: Don't you have a birthday party to attend or something?
Lady Liberty: Whoops! I'm not supposed to talk, or so much as move!
Narrator: I've shortened my name from "Narrator That Came out of Nowhere"!
Fyre Ball: What will happen next? Find out when my head turns into a spork!
RealGTX: Dangit, I knew I should'a taken those magic trick classes back in the early ninetees...
Evil Golem: I will take over the universe if you don't stop!
Golem: ~GASP!~
RealGTX, Wasuki, Fyre Ball: This looks like a job for the TRIUMVERATE FROM INSIDE TJ'S HEAD!
Narrator: Meanwhile...
TJ: Hmmm... Yeah, that sounds about right.
TJ's Main Guardian: Dinner's ready!
Dinner: No I'm not! I'm not safe for eating! Please don't eat me!
TJ: Here, you finish it off! Gee, I don't remember having a pet cat! ~hands story to pet cat~
Cat: ~gets evil look~
Narrator: Elsewhere...
Golem: It's raining dogs!
Wasuki: What of the cats?
Everyone besides Wasuki: ~shrugs~
Narrator: The cat must go to eat from TJ's dinner... Find out more information in order to take over Earth! In TJ's house...
Cat: ~runs to dinner table~
Stephen: ~climbs in through window~ WHAT?! I'm in this?! Why, Greg,--
TJ: ~waves finger "No, no, no..."~ Remember? ~goes back to dinner~
Dominic: ~comes in through window~ Alright! ~attempts to high-five Stephen, who dodges it, causing Dominic to fall into a wormhole under TJ's bed, which leads back into TJ's room from the ceiling in under five seconds~
Dominick: ~hops in through wormhole under TJ's bed~ My name is spelled with a "k"!
Stephen, Dominic: ...Ooooooh... ~are entranced~
Dan: ~also climbs in~ I'm NOT Dan, Dentu's friend, who is also called Moco! I shall now be called Danz for that reason!
Stephen, Dominic, Dominick, Dinner: ~chuckle~
TJ, Cat: ~chuckle because Dinner is chuckling~
Window: I will not breeeeeeaaaaak! ~is open~
Stephen: ~graffitti's TJ's room with Tic-Tac-Toe boards~ Play ya!
Dominic: He wears his G-
Dominick: ~gives Dominic stern look~
Dominic: I was GONNA say K-Swiss... ^_^;;;;;;
Danz: I bought a space alien, but it doesn't work in my GameCube!
Dominic: That's because space aliens don't eat trout, moron!
Danz: ~has reactions comparable to that of a confused keyboard~
Stephen: ~is busy beating Dominick at Tic-Tac-Toe~ ~under breath~ Good thing I got it rigged... ~looks to all other boards, each showing three "X"es apiece, his symbol of choice~
Dominick: Come on everybody, let's do the Mario!
TJ and TJ's Cat: ~with mouths full~ Swing your arms from side to side,
Come on, it's time to go, do the Mario!
Dominic: ~picks up story, reads it while everybody else plays Tic-Tac-Toe X-Treme~ Hmmm... Hey guys!
Everyone in Room: ~stops~
Dominic: ~reads full Bored Page Season 2 aloud to everyone~
The last episode would make an awesome prologue to a movie...
Stephen: Not ANOTHER movie.
Dominic: No... as in Steven Speilberg movie! Movie theaters across USA movie!
Stephen: Right after I get done with Gr--
TJ: ~mouth full~ Nuh-uh-UHHHHH...
Danz: Hey, wait... Can we sue?
Dominick: Let's make that movie!
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Mario, Luigi, and all related characters are copyright © Nintendo. Sonic the Hedgehog and all related characters are copyright © SEGA/SONIC TEAM. All original materials on the "Nintendo Fans" web site and its HTML code are copyright © 2003, 2004 Greg Livingston, save for submitted materials (contact Greg Livingston using the above e-mails for more information). No profit is made from anything belonging to other companies (including Nintendo, SEGA, and Accolade), nor is it an attempt to infringe upon the copyright. I am not affiliated with Nintendo or any other video game company in any way.
