*At Yami Yoshi's house on Yoshi's Island*

Yami Yoshi: Boy am I hungry for some food! Let's see what's inside the refrigerator!

*Yami Yoshi opens the refrigerator*

Yami Yoshi: Gasp! Someone stole all of my cheesecake!

*Yami Yoshi observes the scene of the crime and sees fingerprints on the fridge handle*

Yami Yoshi: Those prints can only belong to one person...that person is...

Mysterious (gotta wiggle yer fingers when ye say it) Voice: ...GOLEM!!!

Yami Yoshi: Who said that?

Vorpal: *steps out from the shadows wearing an trench coat and matching hat* I did.

Yami Yoshi: Wha- How did you get in my house?

Vorpal: I shimmied up the gutter and broke into your attic window, but that's not important...

Yami Yoshi: The back door was unlocked...

Vorpal: What?!? It was?!? I mean- I said it wasn't important. *pulls out large magnifying glass and tweezer and picks up brown thread* An Unmistakeable thread from Golem's trademark scarf! He stole your cheesecakes!

*music comes from nowhere as lightning crashes* Dun dun duuuuun!

Yami Yoshi: Well, I guess I can get more cheesecake.

Vorpal: No! NO YOU MUSTN'T! Golem has taken your cheesecake, you must AVENGE the lost sacredness of your lucious food... *drools*

Yami Yoshi: I'm guessing you have no money for food, huh?

Vorpal: ....

Yami Yoshi: Fine, I'm saving up for a new game anyways. So, where do we start looking for Golem?

Vorpal: We'll have to start at my place... to the Vorpomobile!

*A large V flashes the screen and they're both suddenly standing in front of an old broken down blue truck, at least from the 1950s*

Yami Yoshi: That's it?

Vorpal: Of course! What, you were expecting some futuristic technology?

Yami Yoshi: In a word, yes.

Vorpal: Shall we take YOUR car then?

Yami Yoshi: ... fine, whatever. We'll take the Fossile-Mobile. Let's just get started, okay?

Golem: Take my car. ~wearing a large bookbag~

Vorpal: You don't have a car.

Yami: Golem!! It is time to avenge my... ~rolls his eyes~ It's time to do battle. Is that good enough?

Rhyk: I'm Golem.

Golem: No, I'm Golem!

Rhyk: Shut up, Rhyk.

StuMan: I cameo!

Yami: So how do we do this? Team battle...?

Golem: Wait, what are you battling me for again?

Yami: Stolen cheesecake.

Golem: Oh, right. ~hands Yami some money~

Yami: What?! You just deflated the OG!!

Golem: ~looks around, takes money back~

StuMan: ~leaves~

~Rhyk speeds forth and grabs Vorpal's leg and pulls it up, landing Vorpal on his back. Vorpal counters by spinning himself around and kicking Rhyk in the feet twice, and effectively tripping him up, too. Golem, in the meantime, has fled, with Yami soon after him.~

Yami Yoshi: Vorpal!

Golem: Heh heh heh...that's my cyborg clone Rhyk. I have programmed him to be the ultimate warrior in the universe. You don't even stand a chance against him with your current strength...

Yami Yoshi: Why the @#%$ do you want my cheesecake?

Golem: My intent for stealing your cheesecake is incomprehensible for a low intelligent life form like you.

Yami Yoshi: ...what?

Golem: Exactly.

Yami Yoshi: Don't try to pull your scientific shatmuck on me! Dark Egg!

*Yami Yoshi materializes a Black Yoshi Egg in his hand and hurls the explosive egg at Golem*

Golem: Woah!

*Golem sidesteps and narrowly avoids the fiery explosion radius*

Golem: Hmm...your strength seems to have exceeded my original prediction. It's time for plan B...

Yami Yoshi: ...what?

Golem: Plastic surgery! ~Golem whips around his heavy bookbag right into Yami; and Yami, not expecting the bookbag to be so manueverable, is slammed by it. Golem continues fleeing.~

Yami: ~picking himself up off of the ground~ What's up with that kid...? ~runs after~

~Soon after, Golem is running on a sidewalk beside plenty of stores. He stops at Canadian Dude's Party Store and dashes inside.~

Golem: Canadian Dude! They're onto us!

Canadian Dude: Woot's that, eh?

Golem: You know.... they're on to us.

Yami Yoshi: *bursts through door* Give me my cheesecakes!!!

~Meanwhile~

*Vorpal swings his sword downwards toward Rhyk, but Rhyk claps and holds the blade just inches from his face*

Rhyk: Face it, Vorpal, you are no match for my superior strength!

Vorpal: Not... if I... can help it!

*Vorpal kicks Rhyk, causing him to let goe of the sword. Taking Rhyk's moment of vulnerability, Vorpal swings around with his sword about to strike Rhyk at the side when...*

-----COMERCIAL BREAK-----

*... Masamune bursts in*

Masamune: Oww! Argh, that wall... *rubs head* That'll leave a shiner.

Rhyk: There was a door there...

Masamune: Yeah, but it was glass.

Everyone: .....

Vorpal: *sucker punches Rhyk and runs*

Rhyk: Argh! Get back here! *shoots lasers from his nose at Vorpal*

Masamune: Noooo....! Vooooorrpaaaaalll....!!!

*everything goes slow motion*

Vorpal: Blaaaaaaaaarghh!!!! *yells something unintelligible as laser flies towards him*

Masamune: I'll save yooooooou!!!!

French Dude: *munch munch*

Rhyk: GYYYAAAAAAH!!!!!

Masamune: *pushes French Dude into the laser*

French Dude: AIIIEEEEE!!!!!!

*French dude fries and everything goes back to normal*

Masamune: *jumps through window* Hurry! This way!

Vorpal: Are you nuts! *lasers fires through his hair* Right. That way. *jumps and they both land inside a boat with wheels* This is your getaway car!?

Masamune: Getaway -boat-. The S.S. Swordefeller... Beta. *puts sails up and turns on a fan*

Vorpal: Oh great, that'll get us moving. Should I row?

Masamune: Just wait. *turns fan from Medium, to High, to FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS KIDS! and they take off at lightning speed down the road*

Rhyk: *watches from window* Curses. *hits his digital watch and a picture of Golem appears on it* Houston. We have a problem.

Golem: Just hold them off for a little while, Canadian Dude's working on reinforcements!

Canadian Dude: Operation Giant Operational Robotic Evil-Ion Lithium Laser Attacker, AKA GORE-ILLA, is more or less finished. Preferrablly less.

GORE: No I'm not, you finished me an hour ago.

Golem: Good, then help Rhyk! ...And get me a soda while you're up.

GORE: Aye. *Dashes through wall on a path of destruction and nearing the nearest river*

*Yami Yoshi races through the Canadian woods in hot pursuit of Golem. After sprinting for about an hour, Yami Yoshi slows his pace to a run...then a jog...then a walk...then a crawl...*

Yami Yoshi: *pant*...dang...lost him...better take a break now...

*Yami Yoshi crawls over to a nearby river and sticks his tongue into the crystal clear stream swallows a juicy silver salmon*

Yami Yoshi: Woo...I feel a little better now...Time to continue my pursuit!

*Suddenly, a faint crashing noise is heard and several trees in the distance collapse like dominoes*

Yami Yoshi: What the @#%$ was that?

*Yami Yoshi squints toward the direction of the destructiona. A massive mechanical monkey charges toward him at an amazing velocity knocking over all trees adjacent to the super sonic simian. The cyborg chimp suddenly stops a few feet short of the opposite riverbank*

GORE: Initiating area scan for enemy.

*GORE's eye morphs into a camera lens-like object and flashes a red laser over Yami Yoshi's body*

GORE: Organism identified as Yami Yoshi. Enemy detected. Initiate combat mode.

*A hatch on GORE's chest opens and fires a barrage of missiles at Yami Yoshi*

Yami Yoshi: Yikes! Egg Shield!

*A transparent Yoshi Egg surrounds Yami Yoshi's body and dissipates the missiles*

Yami Yoshi: I have no idea who the @#%$ you are, but I'm taking you down! Dark Egg!

*Yami Yoshi hurls a Dark Egg which explodes and welds a hole through GORE's face*

GORE: *face restores Terminator-style* Initiate Level 2 Combat Level...

Yami Yoshi: Aw shatmuck...

*Rockets emerge from GORE's feet and propel him straight towards Yami Yoshi as he extends his right arm, hitting him with it as he passes by. Yami tumbles over backward and into the drink. GORE grabs YY by the neck and holds him underwater. Yami, desperate for air, forms a Dark Egg in a right hand and stuffs it into GORE's face. It explodes on contact and temporarily blinds him. GORE releases his grip on Yami and attempts to clean his eyes with his hands while Yami leaps into the air and kicks GORE in the chest with all his might. GORE stumbles back a bit into a tree bark and YY reaches with his tongue, grabbing the rtree's heaviest branch, which lies coinciedentally lies right above GORE's head, and pulls on it until it falls off and smashes on GORE's head. GORE slumps over.*

Yami: Now that was easy.

GORE: Initiate Level 3 Combat Level!

Yami: Crap.

*GORE snaps the branch into two splintery halves and wields both of them like swords, slashing them randomly at the open air in hopes of slicing up Yami. Yami now seems bent on retreating with his life and kicks his leg, flytterg though the air Yoshi's Island style to the other side of the river. GORE, however, clears the river in one hop an continus approaching Yami, swinging the wood like a madman. Yami tosses dark eggs like mad in an attemp to stun GORE again, but all of them harmlessly shatter as they are struck by GORE's branch halves. GORE then lifts up one of the branch halves and flings it at Yami as if it were a javelin, but Yam once again summons his Egg Shield. The force of the toss shatters the shield, but Yami recieves no physical harm and lifts up the dropped half of th branch, which is still in working condiion after the throw.*

Yami: Time to put an end to this.

GORE: I am in agreement ith your wishes.

*GORE and Yami leap towards each other like in so many Japanese animes, each wielding one of the tree branches. Who will survive? I'll let some other writer to take care of that.*

Yami Yoshi: Suck my stick!

*Yami Yoshi and GORE swing their sticks simontaneously at each other. GORE's gargantuan gorilla strength helps him snap Yami Yoshi's stick in half*

Yami Yoshi: No!

*GORE uses his free hand and smashes his fist into Yami Yoshi's oversized nose. Yami Yoshi twirls through the air leaving a trail of blood and smacks into a tree. GORE rocket thrusts toward the ground and points his tree branch inches (or centimeters in Canada) away from Yami Yoshi's throat*

Yami Yoshi: *wipes the blood off his nose* Erg...@#%$...

GORE: Enemy's health status critical. Preparing for final attack.

Yami Yoshi: Dang...I...can't...die yet...what did my old master tell me about this...

*FLASHBACK 8 YEARS*

Yoshi's Island...

Yami Yoshi: Dark Egg!

*A 7 year old Yami Yoshi hurls a Dark Egg in front of an elderly black Yoshi, which releases a tiny set of fireworks in the sky*

Yami Yoshi: Master Yoshi! Master Yoshi! Was that good?

Master Yoshi: Hrrmm...TERRIBLE!!!

Yami Yoshi: *falling over* WHAT YOU SAY?!

Master Yoshi: Your Dark Egg explosions are pathetic! You get an F!

Yami Yoshi: *sobbing* NOOOOO!!! BUT WHY!!!???

Master Yoshi: All you do all day is eat cheesecake and play video games...THESE ARE NOT THE QUALITIES OF THE NEXT GENERATION YOSHI WARRIOR!!! Fifty laps around the island!

Yami Yoshi: *sweatdrop* Grr...

*After 10 hours, Yami Yoshi finally finishes his exercise around the island and night has fallen. Suddenly, the night's silence is shattered by a thundrous explosion followed by a mushroom cloud*

Yami Yoshi: Wow! What was that?

Master Yoshi: That...was the Nuclear Egg: the ultimate Yoshi Egg of destruction. It has the potential power to destroy an entire city. However, it can be deadly if used unwisely...

Yami Yoshi: Ooh! Ooh! Can I make a Nuclear Egg? Can I? Can I?

Master Yoshi: NO! A Nuclear Egg requires a lot of your energy to produce. Even if you could, a Yoshi would only use it as a last resort. It is extremely dangerous!

Yami Yoshi: Hmm...one day, I'm going to make a Nuclear Egg and use it to fight evil! *motion of throwing an egg* BOOOOOOM!!! Heh heh heh heh heh heh!

Master Yoshi: .......HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH A FOOLISH STATEMENT!!! FIFTY MORE LAPS AROUND THE ISLAND!!!

Yami Yoshi: *sighs*

*END FLASHBACK*

Yami Yoshi: Well, I guess this can be considered last resort then...I just hope it works...NUCLEAR EGG!

*A massive Black Yoshi Egg materializes in Yami Yoshi's hand with a radioactive symbol infringed on the surface*

Yami Yoshi: All right you simian shatmucker...THIS IS IT!!! NUCLEAR EGG!!!

*Yami Yoshi flings the Nuclear Egg at GORE, who swings his stick like a baseball bat. It strikes the Nuclear Egg and sends it flying into the far distance to only to finally land later in the story when everypne's forgotten about it to serve an important person. Or it got sucked into a jet engine and shredded, whatever.*

Yami Yoshi: Hey, I was using that!

GORE: Initiate Level 4 Combat Level.

Yami Yoshi: Stop that.

*Yami Yoshi goes head-first at GORE, leading with his branch. However, GORE manages to partially duck. That is, he doesn't completely avoid Yami, and in fact, his head fits right into Yami's wide open mouth. Following his yoshi instincts, Yami Yoshi swallows GORE and turns him into an egg. Thinking quickly, as soon as he reaches the ground, Yami kicks the egg into the river without cracking it.*

Yami: Now, on to... where am I going, anyway?

*Meanwhile, in some forest...*

Masamune: According to the S.S. Swordfeller's scanner, there should be a fast food restaurant right... HERE!

*The boat, heading for the ground while tipped down, collides with Yami at the front, scooping him up into the Swordfeller.*

Masamune: Great Scott! We have a McDonalds on the boat!!

Lupus: Ah, what a delightful day to be walking conveniently towards a portal that will undoubtedly take me into the firing range of Yami Yoshi's all-destroying attack.

*portal runs away*

Lupus: Now that I get to live I suppose I'll... BUILD A BUILDING! IN SURROUND SOUND!

*twenty years later which is irrelevant to any other time on the rest of the earth, in Lupus' brand new DRUG DEALING INC. skyscraper*

Lupus: There must have been some reason why I did this... Wait, no there wasn't.

Inspector: Sir Lupus? I have reason to believe this drug dealing enterprise is merely a front for a pet store.

Lupus: Why I never!

Inspector: You never what?

Lupus: I forgot.

Inspector: Well, if you have no further things to say I'll have to shut it all down and make yet further unnecessary advancements in the plot!

Lupus: What's a plot?

*two days later, which is again no period of time over where Yami Yoshi is, Lupus and his grand army of nobodies stand outside the skyscraper, which has been turned into nothing at all*

Lupus: This is it guys! Time to attack! WATERGUNS NOW!

*the world explodes and everything reverts back to nothing*

Inspector: You never what?

Inspector Clone: I didn't say anything.

Lupus: Ah, what a delightful day to be walking conveniently towards a portal that will undoubtedly take me into the firing range of Yami Yoshi's all-destroying attack.

*falls into portal and gets hit full blast by Yami Yoshi's Nuclear Egg*

ALTERNATE ENDING FOR LIKE MINDED CONVENTIONALISTS!

Scientist: Now this is what would have happened if Lupus had taken Golem's post into consideration instead of Yami Yoshi's!

Lupus: *on the couch* Man I could just play Final Fantasy VIII for ages...

*ice age, stone age, tech age pass*

Lupus: *on the couch with an extremely long grey beard* Man I could just Final Fantasy MMIV for ages...

Qwirtzok: Will everyone stop injecting 'u's into my name! It's W!! W!!! ...Wait, that's the other Member OG. *detonates time bomb*

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