Written by Luigi of the Pipes, Masamune, Blaine, Yoshiman, Ditto, Sapphire, Nintenfreak, and Flutter.

Blaine returnned to his farm.

Blaine: Bah! i can't stand this place though i don't mind the neighbers at all. i just hate farming!.

Sliver: i know it's a drag but we got to grow our crops then we hire some dopes and we split.

Chang: To where home is still being attacked by the killer rice!

Techno: I wounder if we can fix that... at the empire an entire town is nothing but scelitens and empty biuldings. A few tanks are in the road anlong with other militaryish weopons.... Back at the farm.

Chang dout it.

Luigi: Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

Ditto: Just 'Wilson' will do, neighbor.

Luigi: Oh, okay... well, Wilson, what's your first name?

Ditto: Wilson.

Luigi: *thinks* Wilson Wilson?

Ditto: That's right. I was named after my father.

Luigi: You're Wilson Wilson... Jr?

Ditto: Right.

Luigi: *shakes head* I gotta hurry up an' move OUT of this neighborhood...

Ditto: Have a good night, good Neighbor Tim!

Luigi: Huh? Oh, never mind.

~Luigi retires inside. Ditto waits a while, and then also turns in, but he doesn't go to bed. Instead, he goes to a wall painting of a certain famous Arizona Senator of the past, opens it, and reveals a wall safe~

Ditto: Eyes... fingers... toes...

*turns the dial to 2, 10, and 11, and the safe opens, as dramatic music like a film score plays. It's a photograph of the old MMEDDP party during the Vorpal administration*

Ditto: The Neo-Birdocrat Party won't be able to manipulate our nation's precious veggie supply for much longer, however... As soon as we put a stop to their hijacking of our crops... None other than the current President's father... none other than the proprietor of Mean Acres himself, Masamune!

Luigi: Whoa, really?

Ditto: What the heck are you doing here?

Luigi: I got lonely. What's this all about?

Ditto: I'm not at liberty to say.

Luigi: Are you saying-

Ditto: No, 'cause then I'd have to kill you.

Luigi: Good night. *goes home*

----

Yoshiman: Fuzzball! Front and Center!

Fuzzball: Yessir!

Yoshiman: Fuzz, I've been hearing some things about that new farmer we were heckling earlier. Say he was a reporter, trying to find the reason that agriculture had gone downhill.

Fuzzball: But we both know it's cause of the government!

Yoshiman: Who do you think pays us?!

Fuzzball:. . . no, wait! Let me guess. . .

Yoshiman: THE GOVERNMENT, YOU IDIOT!

Fuzzball: You mean the men in the black suits?

Yoshiman: No. That would be Masamune's henchmen. They break our thumbs if we don't comply with them.

Fuzzball: Oh.

Yoshiman: Here's your mission: Sabatoge. Take this bucket of. . . Sprites. You know what to do.

Fuzzball: Uh. . .

Yoshiman: *sigh* Covert Operation Foxtrot Charlie Omega.

Fuzzball: OH! Yessir! *Salutes, takes bucket'o Sprites and leaves*

~meanwhile at the center of town~

ScareCrow:... [The time is now.] *the black car drives up next to it. The door opens and the scarecrow gets in. The black car drives off*

NintF Jr.: Alright ScareCrow, it's time to finish what I started. *starts staring into nothing* Wait... *stops* where did he go?

~meanwhile behind THE FENCE~

Flutter: It's time to count my warheads.

~later~

Flutter: Gasp... One is missing... Oh wait there it is.

~Lilac returns to her farm after taking care of other chores, whistling slightly.

Lilac: (opening the door) Oh cousin Saph~! (glances around) Er..Saph?

Sapphire: (Sitting in a chair in the darkest part of the room) What?

Lilac: Oh.. there you are. ^^; It’s always interesting when new neighbors come around.

Sapphire: I suppose. *looks bored*

Lilac: What? Like you have interesting things to think about.

Sapphire: Actually, yes. I just find it ironic that you’re at the mercy of the Birdocrats. Pity.

Lilac: (worried look) Not so loud! They’ll hear you!

Sapphire: c_c That wasn’t loud. It was an observation. You all live in fear of the government. You’re probably too young to remember when I was involved in politics.

Lilac: ..I remember you were a senator for a few years.

Sapphire: Heh. There’s more irony for ya.

Lilac: Aren't you supposed to be in hiding?

Sapphire: Why do you think I'm here? Besides helping you of course. It would be better not to mention me.

Lilac: Too late. ^^;

~There is a knock at the door. Lilac freezes, and then rushes to a window and peeks through the curtain.

Sapphire: (rolling her eyes and returning to her reading) Paranoid.

Lilac: (in relief) Oh, it’s only the new neighbor. He looks sorta nervous. (opens the door)

Luigi: Er.. Hello?

Lilac: Good evening. (steps back so Luigi can come in)

Luigi: (looking around, not noticing Saph) Er.. Nice place you have here.

Lilac: Thanks. What brings you by?

Luigi: Erm.. Do you know anything about the.. er, rumors about the curse on my farm?

Lilac: Oh, you’ve only just moved in. Give it some time.

Luigi: Er.. Okay.. and you seem like a cooperative person..I’m writing an article about economic downfall.

Lilac: Well, you’ve seen the area. What happened as soon as you moved in?

Luigi: Er.. within the first half an hour and people were already looking for ways to buy me out and/or make me want to run screaming for the city.

Lilac: Exactly.

Luigi: What does it mean?

Lilac: It’s because of the government.

Luigi: Yes, but-

Lilac: Shhh! You’re not supposed to tell anyone.

Luigi: But how did it get this way?

Lilac: ..I’m not at liberty to say.

Luigi: That’s a popular phrase around here.

Lilac: ^^;

Sapphire: (from her chair in the corner) So it seems your work is cut out for you, Mr. Of the Pipes. My advice: stay as far away from it as possible, unless you have any means to assist them.

Luigi: (glances around nervously) Who said that?

Lilac: Er.. Nobody. ^^;

----

Mura: The Results?

Scarecrow: Aside from the town idot bothering me... everything seems clear... Masa and Mune should soon have enough treasure to fund the purchase of Canada.

Mura: Yes... We already have Mexico... As soon as we have Canada, we can give it some decent names!

Scarecrow: Of course... bwahahahaha!!!

~MEANWHILE...~

~Masa is sitting on Mune's shoulders in Rebe's outfit~

Masa: Now... I throw the seeds! Stupid seeds! Bah!

Mune: Now... to bed.

Masa: Hmm.... think Luigi will notice?

Mune: It's that CURSE remember...

Masa: Oh yeah! *grins*

----

*Luigi walks back home, scribbling on a notepad as he walks.*

Luigi: Good soil... government... genetic crops... Masamune's son... Birdocrats... buying people out... THE FENCE...
It's so confusing...

*Luigi enters Dorado Ranch and heads up to the farm house, taking another quick glance over at McCloaker.*

Luigi: Ah well.

*Luigi enters the house and walks to the kitchen. Masa and Mune stand atop each others shoulders in a corner, wearing one of Rebe's dresses and a long brown, curled wig.*

Luigi: I think I'm going to hit the hay, hun.

Masa: *mumbling in attempt to imitate Rebe's voice* Okay dear.

Luigi: You all right?

Masa: I... uh... I have a cold.

Luigi: Okay, take care.

~meanwhile at THE FENCE~

Flutter: Hmmmm, I love spying. From up here on top of the hill, behind THE FENCE, I have the perfect view of the town. What's that? *sees the black car driving away* This can't be good.

Secretary: *over two way radio. One in the central command room, and the other in Flutter's watch* Sir, would you want me to launch a Nautical Strike?

Flutter: No. Not right now. But I'll have to leave soon, to go check something out.

Secretary: Yes sir.

Flutter: Pack my bags, and while I'm gone, I want you to keep this place ready to fire.

Secretary: Of course sir.

*the black car drives up to THE FENCE*

Flutter: Oh great. *fires a warning shot*

*the black car drives away*

Flutter: I must hurry.

~later~

Flutter: *tosses bags and weapons into the back of the jeep* Take care. *drives off*

~in the middle of the Town~

NintF Jr.: Where could he have gone?

Enthree: Daddy, Mom wants you to come home.

NintF Jr.: Okay...

Mura: Hurry, you fool, before the Jeep catches up with us!

Same: I'm hurring! Get off my a-- butt.

Mura: Ooo! You almost said a dirty word!

Same: That isn't helping! If you think this is easy, why don't you drive?

Mura: Fine.

[as they switch places, the car turns around]

Flutter: Oh ya! Bring it on!

Same: Gyah! Watch out!

Mura: You think this is easy?!

[they turn around again.]

Same: You seemed to.

----

*Fuzzball does sneaky secret agent style moves while making his own theme music*

Fuzzball: Dun dun! Duun. . . . dundundun! Dun! dadadadun!

*Opens Luigi's window slowly*

Fuzzball: Dun dun dundundundundundadadadadun! Bum-bum! da da dun!

*Someone walks by, Fuzball freezes against the wall*

Fuzzball: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. . .

*They look at him, shrug, and move on*

Fuzzball: Du du dun!

*pours Sprites into room*

Fuzzball: He he heh heh. . . I mean, dun! dududun! dududududun! dududududun!

*Sneaks off*

Fuzzball: That was too easy.

----

*Masa and Mune sleep on Luigi's couch, having discarded the dress.*

Masa: Beans... beans...

Mune: *yawn* Huh? Hey... *kicks Masa's foot*

Masa: Five more minutes, mummy...

Mune: Wake up! We gotta get out of here!

Masa: Wha? We're still in the old guy's house?

Mune: Yeah, and Miss Teras Kasi is still missing. He's bound to notice.

Masa: Whoops.

*The door of the bedroom (down the hall opens)*

Mune: Aackk! No time! We gotta hide!

Masa: Where?!

*Mune lifts the couch cushions.*

Mune: After you.

*The duo crawl under the couch cushions, hoping that Luigi won't notice the fact that they're lop-sided and elevated.*

~PLOD PLOD PLOD~

Luigi: Rey? *pause* Hun, where'd you go?

~PLOD PLOD PLOD~

Luigi: Sigh, do I ALWAYS have to clean up after you. Leaving clothes everywhere, I swear...

~PLOD PLOD PLOD~

Luigi: Ah well, must've gone to the... *pause* Yeah, gone to the store.

Mune: *whispered* Heh heh, good thing I conveniently left that fake note on the table.

~PLOD PLOD PLOD~

Luigi: Well, might as well get to work. No point in wasting time. Hopefully Ditto... er... Wilson's up. Wonder if he takes bribes...

~PLOD PLOD PLOD~

Luigi: Hang on a minute Weeg, you should at least check the weather first.

Mune: O.O *peeks out from under cushion, to see the TV set right in front of him*

Masa: Heh heh, he talks to himself.

*Mune reaches over and twists Masa's head to see the TV.*

Masa: Whoops.

Mune: Oh please sit on a chair...

~PLOD PLOD PLOD~

~SQUISH!~

*Masa resists the urge to howl in pain.*

Luigi: Hmm... this couch feels lumpy. Darn curse...

~CLICK~

*The theme of local soap opera plays.*

Mune: Oh, my favorite! Keep it on!

Masa: Bleh.

~CLICK~

Reporter: And in local news...

~CLICK~

Another reporter: We now turn over to Lorn Pavan with the weather.

Weather reporter: The skies will be a beautiful blue today, with nary a cloud in the sky and temperatures in the mid-eighties.

~CLICK~

Luigi: Hmm... dress lightly.

~UN-SQUISH~

~PLOD PLOD PLOD~

~SLAM!~

Masa: OH MY GOD!

Mune: *crawls out from under the cushion* Well, that was disturbing. It'll take a good year of mental scrubbing to get that out of my mind.

Masa: Help me out, I can't feel my legs. Or my arms, for that matter.

Mune: Or your brain.

Masa: Yeah, that t--... HEY!

Mune: ~evil smirk~ I think I can get us out of this. I'll call scarecrow to open the distraction crate.

Masa: No! The Creature is too horribe, even worse than that Tazmanian Devil.

Mune: *blushes* I know...

~over phone~

Scarecrow: Are you sure sir?

Mune: I'm positive.

Scarecrow: Okay, but once it bites someone, that person will become a La Chupacabra of the same, you know?

Mune: Do I look stupid?

Scarecrow: Well... Actually...

Mune: That was a retorical question!!!

Scarecrow: Whoops, sorry sir.

Mune: Now do as I say!

Scarecrow: Yes sir...

~that morning~

News Reporter: ...man had two male goats die last night. To tell you all about it, here is the Animal's owner, NintF Jr.

NintF Jr.: Thank you... *sniff* I found the goats dead, with puncture wounds to the neck. All the organs... were... were removed, and no blood at all.

News Reporter: *snore* very fascinating...

NintF Jr.: I will be holding a steak out to find out who, or what this creature is. Meet me in towns square for a vigilante meeting.

~in Luigi's House~

Luigi: Rebe, I'm going to town square to help this guy on TV out.

Masa: Um... Great! Take your time.

~Meanwhile, the whole night Masa and Mune were sneaking around in Luigi's house, we go back to the beginning of that night to see...~

*at Masa and Mura's secret Neo Birdocrat HQ*

~we hear the sound of a padlock unlocking and clunking to the floor, and the sound of a door creaking open. In walk two dark, shadowy figures in spy costumes~

Figure 1: Wow, this is just like old times, isn't it?

Figure 2: Yup. The good old MMEDDP party days. Got the device?

Figure 1: Got it.

Figure 2: Did you have any trouble getting past your cousin?

Figure 1: Nope. It went just as planned...

~flashback, flashback...~

*early that morning, a newspaper slams at the doorstep to the Blue Ranch. As usual, Lilac goes out and gets it, and brings it in to her cousin*

Lilac: Here ya go, Sapphire!

Sapphire: Mm. Thank you dear. *opens up the paper, and a little Subway coupon flutters out* O_o

It's time...

~that evening~

*the middle-aged Sapphire opens up her hope chest, removes a false floor, and picks up a little message decoder. She uses it to decode a message written on the Subway coupon. She nods, and retrieves a little device from her hope chest and puts it down her bra. Setting her jaw, she goes to her closet, pushes a button, and the paneling slides away to reveal an assortment of nice espionage outfits*

Sapphire: Man, I haven't felt this young in years. Hm hm hm ha ha ha ha...

~fast forward a few hours to now~

Figure 1: You still got that knack for cunning, Ditto. Clever, sneakign into Masamune's place while he's out sneaking around in Luigi's place.

Figure 2: Thank you, Sapphire. You still pick locks with the best of 'em. Now then, we gotta find the planning room and bug it.

Sapphire: Hm... Conspiracy to bug the Birdocratic National Convention here in the Ottergate Hotel. Why does this sound so familiar?

Ditto: I 'unno. Anyway, we gotta find that- Uh oh. What's that sound?

Same: *walking in, sleepily* Darnit, why did I have to drink those 8 glasses of water before bed? Where's that darn light to see the restroom?

Ditto: *whispering* Uh oh. What'll we do?!

Sapphire: *whispering* Well let's see. You can distract him, and I'll find the planning room--

Ditto: *whispering* Well, we can't do much now.. maybe he'll go away.

Same: Huh? What's that noise? [fumbles around for the light switch] There.

[the room is suddenly filled with light]

Ditto: Yike.

Sapphire: Shhh.

Same: Who's there? [looks over sleepily and spots them] Huh?

Ditto: Uh.. we're figments of your imagination. Aren't we?

Sapphire: We are.

Ditto: You dreamed us up.

Same: Really? O_o;

Ditto: Right. Now just scurry back to bed. You're going to miss something important.

Sapphire: Yeah.

Same: Wait. I have to see about those 8 glasses of water... and ponder why I drank them.

[goes into another room]

Ditto: Whew. [wipes brow]

Sapphire: Quickly. We don't know how long that'll last..

[the two of them look around the room, checking various rooms, etc]

Ditto: Aha! I think I've found something.

Sapphire: Oh?

Ditto: I'll just sneak in and plant it...

Same: [muttering to himself] Let's see.. the water.. OH! That's right. I have to make sure I'm awake to ensure that ther aren't any break ins.. [tiptoes towards door and peeks out] Those figments of my imagination are still there... unless.. d'oh! [slaps self in forehead, then tiptoes behind Sapphire]

Sapphire: [turns around] Huh? Oh, you again. Go back to bed.

Same: I won't be fooled by THAT again.

Sapphire: Oh really? Too bad, because I think bed was a safer place for you...

Same: Huh? [Suddenly, he gets walloped and knocked out by Saph's quick left hook]

Ditto: [returning] O_o; You flattened him. Nice job.

Sapphire: Oh that was nothing. Is everything set up?

Ditto: Yep.

Sapphire: Good. Let's get out of here before prince charming wakes up again. c_c; What now?

Ditto: The rest of the plan. We set up back at HQ and wait...

Sapphire: [cackles] Mm hm hm ha ha...

*Ditto and Saph quietly sneak out*

Ditto: Wait. . . did you hear that?

???: SPRITE ATTACK!

*Ditto and Saph are landed with Sprites*

Sprites: Keeheeheehee!

Ditto: Augh! Get them off! *brushes off the sprites with little effort* Well. . . that was easier than expected.

Saph: Who was that?

MEANWHILE IN THE INNER SANCTUM OF YOSHIMAN'S PALACE OF DREADFUL DECEIT AND DESTRUCTION (say that five times fast!). . .

Yoshiman: Fuzzball. . . did I or did I not tell you to pour the Sprites into Luigi's bedroom window?

Fuzzball: Umm. . . uh. . . no wait, let me guess! Uh. . . um. . .

*Yoshiman twiddles his thumbs*

Fuzzball: Uh. . . . . . . . yeah?

Yoshiman: Very good! Now did you do it?

Fuzzball: Yes, sir!

Yoshiman: WRONG! You accidentally had about three left over and you attacked those goody-two-shoes that are trying to protect him!

Fuzzball: Well, it didn't seem like a big deal. . .

Yoshiman: Oh, really? Where is the bucket?

Fuzzball: I left it at the. . . uh-oh. . .

BACK TO WHERE WE WERE!

Ditto: *Reading inside of the bucket* This bucket is property of Yoshiman Sabatoge Missions, a dirivitive of Masamuse Sabatoge Inc. If found, please return to 1203 North-North-West Avenue, Wallington City.

Submissions and rebuttals should be e-mailed to nintendofanssite@yahoo.com. Proper credit will be given, and please tell me if you don't want your e-mail revealed on the site.