Written by Luigi of the Pipes, Masamune, Blaine, Yoshiman, Ditto, Sapphire, Nintenfreak, and Flutter.

Sapphire: *in narration voice-over, a la Dr. Watson* Deep within Ditto's skull, his great mind worked, poring over the latest details and trying them in every possible light as a piece of the vast puzzle that was becoming this baffling mystery...

*Ditto continues to squint and stick his tongue out in concentration*

Sapphire: ...yes, thinking... quite HARD. Trying the latest... pice of the puzzle... turning it each way... er... mentally trying to pound it into place...

Ditto: *continues to concentrate very hard*

Sapphire: *sighs* For... many minutes... many, many minutes...

*time passes. She checks her watch. Outside, a rooster crows the morning*

Sapphire: WELL?

Ditto: O_o Oh, well, um... hm... *looks into bucket* We found a bucket o' sprites here in a bucket made by Yoshiman, in Masamune's house... there MAY be a connection!

Sapphire: Way to crack the Bucketgate scandal. You're gonna go down in history as 'Deep Thought.' We already suspected that, didn't we?

Ditto: Well, yeah... but we need proof! We need to know if this bucket is authentic!

Sapphire: That seems trivial.

Ditto: True, until you consider that so far, this is the only concrete evidence we have, which we will need before we crack this case wide open...?!

Sapphire: *starts to open mouth, and then closes it* Hey... you're right.

Ditto: ...Thanks. Now then, we must get this analyzed.

Sapphire: By who?

Ditto: 'The boys.'

*Bat signal spins across the screen a la the campy Batman TV show, and next, Ditto and Saph are standing in Ditto's cornfield*

Sapphire: ...'The Boys?'

Ditto: Yeah... it took you all the way to get here for you to ask about that?

Sapphire: o_O That Bat-signal thing just spun around and we were just he-

Ditto: Now then... let's see...

*walks up to a particular ear or corn, and twists it. *twists it, and a secret metal floor opens up nearby*

Saph: o_O

Ditto: Follow me...! *goes down stairs*

Saph: ???

*downstairs, in the secret silo, dozens of serious-looking lawn gnomes work at several computer workstations*

Ditto: Alright boys, got a little something for you to toy with. *throws bucket upon a table* I want you to analyze this, see if it's authentic, any other forensic evidence might be on it. It's our big clue. It will crack this thing wide open, hopefully.

Saph: Well... I also grabbed this briefcase marked 'TOP SECRET: PLANS'...

Ditto: Ooh! I can line the bottom of my birdcage with these!

Saph: Don't ya think there might be cool secret documents in there?

~Back at the NEo Birdocratic HQ*

Masa: Dang, two hostages... we couldn't get anybody of IMPORTANCE... just...

Mura: *looks them over* Luigi and Rebe?

Scarecrow: I tried to bite him, but err...

Mune: Whatever, we need to contact our err... 'son' about the next course of action.

Same: Right. That beastalk will be growing soon. It is imperative we get these people out. By landing a evil money-grabbing bank and introducing a new farming tax... on ground nutrients, this are will be easily cleared out.

Mune: Good, good. Mura, have you handled the bank?

Mura: No problem, Yoshiman and his gang have been issued the funds to start the bank and make these farmers go through HECK.

Masa: Nice place that, why back in Party Goers 17...

Scarecrow: *cough* Uh... so what is the beanstalk for?

Mune: You bluthering idiot. Haven't we told you? Those clouds are going to be MINED. There's a lot of stuff up there, our recent plane trips have revealed oil, gold, uranium, and the complete record set of Donny Osman's performances.

Masa: Yeesh, not so sure about the latter...

Mura: It brought a few bucks on.... M-Bay... kinda miss Ebay.... now and then.

Scarecrow: *over in front of monitors* Guys... I got some bad news... we had intruders...

*they all gather around it*

Same: Blat them! That was no dream! Scarecrow, prepare the Neo-Birdocratic Demonstration Helicopter! We got some snoops to hunt!

Mune: *narrows eyes* Do not allow them to get away, if they talk, we're though! Masa, Mura... head to Yoshiman's place to make sure he's prepared to hide if those two snoops get out. I'll take care of our farming duo here....

Luigi: *grumble, grumble*

At the Yien farm nothing really happed exep for when the distraction beast showed up and attack techno he's curently wering it as a fur cap. and the rice grows ever taller.

We find Blaine having a discution with Techno. In the drab living room bare of anything bu the celing fan some chairs and a sofa.

blaine: I don't like this something is up. Frist of Mrs. Of the Pipes is gone for a few days then her husbend dissapaes to. then that thing you're wereing shows up. also what's with all the black cars and jeeps runing aruond here/ Not tomention fear of THE FENCE and the goverment. good thing the emporer buoght out tis land from the US goverment we live under aour homeland law and order.

Techno; It is kinda weird I gues we better be on guard more so right?

Blaine: Yes hmm i wuonder if anything big is going on right now.

----

Luigi: *grumble grumble* Ooh... my head...

*Luigi blinks, and opens his eyes slowly. Mune hovers over him with an angry glare.*

Mune: Darnit, where's that sedative?! *grabs a mallet* This'll have to do.

Luigi: Whoa whoa whoa! What're you doing?!

Mune: Knocking you unconscious, that's what!

*Mune swings the mallet, misses, slams his knee.*

Mune: Blast!

Luigi: What's going on here, dwarf?

Mune: DWARF?! Well... for your information, you and your wife there... *motions to Rebe*... are being held hostage by the NEO Birdocrat party, rival to the Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik party that you were once a member of, yes?

Luigi: You've done your homework.

Mune: In fact, Mr... Harree Pitts, you should've recognized me by now. We met in Cuba.

Luigi: Masa?

Mune: Don't be stupid! I'm Mune!

Luigi: Darn. Don't ever call me Harripittis again.

Mune: Hey, who's strapped to the table, and who's swinging the mallet here?

Luigi: Yeah, so... WHY am I strapped to the table?

Mune: I believe I just explained that to you.

Luigi: More detail.

Mune: *sigh* We're holding you hostage because the NEO Birdocrat party has some VERY interesting ideas for the state of the government economy. Namely, it all goes to OUR pockets. And of course, there has to be some idiots who want to OPPOSE such a wondrous deal. They won't bother us if we hold you two.

Luigi: How do you know?

Mune: Because, one just happens to be your neighbor, Wilson Wilson the Third, aka... DITTO MCCLOAKER!!!

Luigi: I KNEW I met him before!

Mune: Yeah, so anyway...

Luigi: How does he know we're here? Did you send a ransom letter yet?

Mune: Don't be silly, we're not going to RANSOM you. We'll just kill you after Ditto and his accomplice, Sapphire Blue, get off us.

Luigi: ... Peachy...

Mune: Now then, the sedative...

*THWACK!*

----

*Ditto and Sapphire spend the next few hours catching up on old times, as 'The Boys' work on the bucket*

Sapphire: *laughing* Oh, my... I remember that! And after Gastro died, you wanted to rename Cuba!

Ditto: Oh, my, yes. Shame it turns out he wasn't really dead.

Sapphire: Eh, who could tell? *lauhgs*

Ditto: Um, Saph?

Sapphire: Yes, Ditto?

Ditto: You know... There's... something I never told you.

Sapphire: What?

Ditto: Well... *pause* Saph... there's something I've got to tell you, and then... something to ask you.

Sapphire: ...Yes, Ditto?

Ditto: I never told you... that I... I...

Sapphire: ...Yes?

Ditto: I... always loved... those delightful cowboy cookies you made!

Sapphire: O_O

Ditto: They were so much better than Tipper's! Will you make me some again?

Sapphire: Yes, Ditto! I will! But you have to promise me...

Ditto: Anything!

Sapphire: You must make me some of those honey pork chops you always made just right!

Ditto: Sapphire...! I... I never knew!

Sapphire: I never had the courage to tell you!

Ditto: Of course! Of course I will!

*suddenly, one of the Lawn Gnomes run in*

Lawn Gnome: Mr. McCloaker, sir! We're getting a transmission!

Ditto: *rips off glasses* Put it on the screen.

*the Gnome turns on a giant screen, to reveal the Scarecrow*

Scarecrow: How are you gentleman!!!

Ditto: Fine, thanks. And yourself?

Scarecrow: Oh, not bad. A little worn, but... McCloaker! We understand you have something which belongs to us!

Ditto: I don't understand?

Scarecrow: I believe you do! Now, I suggest you come out of wherever your hiding with it, and surrender yourself.

Ditto: Oh, sure. Just let me pack my bags and turn off all the lights and unplug my big electric NOT!

Scarecrow: It will interest you to know that at this moment, our helicopter is circling your farm, loaded with over 200 tons of Tetrahydrachloroethylene. Surrender, or we will dump it all over your precious crops, spoiling you precious plan.

Ditto: Is this true? Lower periscope!

*Ditto turns to a giant metal eggplant hanging from the ceiling. He turns it around to reveal a viewscreen. He peers into it and turns it around. Up above ground, in the eggplant patch, a periscope lens pops up out of a regular-looking eggplant and looks up, to see indeed that there is a helicopter up there*

Scarecrow: Yes, we know all about your plan to grow food to keep the country's agriculture on balance. We know all about it... MR. FORMER VICE PRESIDENT!

Sapphire: *gasp*

Ditto: Ha, he can do his worst. That stuff up there is all bumper. Our REAL work is all being grown down here!

Sapphire: Excellent thinking!

Ditto: Do your worst, you big bale of future horse-droppings!

Scarecrow: Still obstinate, eh? Well, perhaps we can still convince you... you wouldn't want to let HIM down, would you?

*camera pans over to reveal Luigi and Rebe, bound and gagged*

Sapphire: Crikey!

Ditto: Crikey?

Sapphire: Sorry, it just slipped out.

Scarecrow: Fail to comply, and this lovely young couple of newlyweds will be DROPPED into a giant vat of weed killer!

*camera pans out to reveal Luigi and Rebe's chairs suspended over a vat of green liquid*

Ditto: You fiend!

Scarecrow: What will it be...?

Sapphire: What can we do?

Ditto: We've got to rescue those two, first, but we need to buy some time. *turns to the Gnome* Gnorman! Release the decoys!

Gnorman: Aye aye, sir! *salues and leaves*

*up above ground, a figure suddenly rises from the pumpkin patch*

Scarecrow: Excellent! There he is! Bring 'er down, and capture him!

*meanwhile, Ditto and Saph are sneaking through their underground lair*

Sapphire: What did he mean by your 'secret plan to provide the farmers with new crops?'

Ditto: Ah, yes. Well, you see, I do plan that, but he figures he can just sell his stolen vegetables for lower prices and ensure no one buys mine. Well, he didn't count on one thing...

Sapphire: What?

Ditto: THIS! *rips a cloth off of a small tree, with some very strange fruit*

Sapphire: Whoa... what.. Those red and yellow bunches? What kind of fruit is that?

Ditto: In order to ensure that they cannot simply undersell me on traditional fruit, I have taken the next great step in edible evolution! I am working on hybrids of fruits and vegetabls to innovate new produce. Behold, my latest invention... the Bananapple!

Sapphire: Whoa.

Ditto: Indeed. Now, we dont' have much time. We have to go rescue the kid n' his wife.

Sapphire: But... how?

*they step into an elevator which takes them up to the bottom floor of an old abandoned silo a distance from Ditto's farm. Inside is a super cool car. They hop inside, and the silo doors open as they speed out*

Ditto: We'll need help. We're calling on an old operative friend of mine...

~They drive into town, and pull up next to... a general store?~

Ditto: Hey! Is the proprietor in?

*from a back room emerges a raccoon wearing an apron and a sleepy, shrewd look in his eyes*

Ditto: Might I introduce... the best counterintelligence operative the MMEDDP ever had!

Raccoon: The name's Nook. Tam Nook.

Ditto: We got a rescue mission. Up for action again?

Tam Nook: Of course. *ducks behind counter and reappears wearing a black cape, black gloves, black hat, and a long sword at his hilt. He whips it out and slashes at the table, carving an 'R' in the wood*

Sapphire: Wha-?

Ditto: What? Don't tell me you've never heard of the Mark of Rocco?

~Meanwhile...~

Scarecrow: *walking up to the figure in the pumpkin patch* Well, well, well. You have chosen wisely, Mr. McClo- WHAT?

*Suddenly, up above, the helicopter is blown to bits by a Field-To-Air Corn Missle. Scarecrow looks closer at his quarry only to discover it is merely another scarecrow, just like him. Suddenly, dozens more sprout up out of the ground, exactly the same as the first, all around him*

Scarecrow: BLAST!

Scarecrows: Play us a tune on your ocarina, and we'll...

Scarecrow: What? I don't have an ocarina!

*The scarecrows huddle together and whisper amongst themselves. Only a few words can be heard between them, such as "Torches", "Pitchforks", and "Really long sticks with deranged crows on the end". Scarecrow gulps, the straw in his neck sprinkling onto the ground.*

---

Luigi: Mmph gmmph!

Rebe: Mmphl gmmphmm!

*Luigi swings his chair sideways, until he catches onto the edge of Rebe's chair with his exposed fingers. He latches his foot through the chair's legs, then fumbles for her lightsaber. It slips and lands in the weed killer.*

Luigi: O.O

Rebe: -_-

*Rebe tries to grab Luigi's lightsaber, but he lets go of the chair and swings away.*

Luigi: Mine's more important to me than yours!

Rebe: You better hope so!

---

*The Dittomobile skids to a stop in front of Neo Birdocrat HQ.*

Saph: Shouldn't we park in the bushes or something, to hide the car and our presense?

Ditto: Are you kidding? And scratch this baby up?! *Ditto slaps his palm against the hood of the car. A hollow thud reverberates through it, until the tires fall out under the car and it flops to the ground.* Not a word. It's a farmer's car, y'know...

Saph: I noticed... *plucks straw out of her hair*

*Meanwhile, Rocco stealthily sneaks up to the front door. He stops, ears perked, and dives into the bushes nearby. Masa and Mura walk up to the door, prompting Ditto and Saph to duck behind the car. Mura pulls hard on the door knocker until it pulls out of the door, revealing a hollow nook with a safe lock on it.*

Mura: Eyes... fingers... toes... *turns the lock to 2, 10, 11*

Ditto: That's my combination!!!

*The door slides open and Masa and Mura enter. As it slides shut, Rocco jabs his sabre into the frame, holding it just barely ajar. He tilts his head sharply at the door, and Ditto and Saph come running to it.*

Ditto: Ready everyone? *he sticks his fingers into the space between door and frame*

Saph: Ready.

*Rocco pulls his sabre out and salutes with it. The door slides shut... on Ditto's fingers.*

Ditto: O.o GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Saph: So much for 2, 10, 11...

Rocco: Was it this hard getting in the first time?

*clap clap clap*

Ditto: Who's there!?

Masamune: Far too easy, my dear Ditto. You played well into our hands.

Ditto: Masamune!? But I thought-

Masamune: That I had split forms again? I reformed. As did Murasame. But that's not important. We know everything now.

Ditto: Impossible!

Masamune: Is that so? Perhaps this will make you think otherwise. *tosses out an old block worn with age*

Ditto: o_o Guiseppie! He's...

Masamune: Dead. Yes, all those years stuck in Farmer form. Must have drove you mad Ditto. But thanks to a little 'tampering' with old Blockhead, we were able to... READ YOUR MIND!

Ditto: Argh!

Sapphire: .... you're mad!

Masamune: I know. And once Murasame finishes destroying your crops, there will be nothing you can- *falls over*

Tam Nook: *steps up from behind him* Man. He still RANTS AND RANTS.

Ditto: Good job! *puts the Guiseppie block in a bag* Hurry. We must get back to the farm before Murasame destroys everything!

Sapphire: What about Luigi and Rebe?

Ditto: Hmm... Tam Nook?

Tam Nook: Way ahead of you. Good luck!

*Ditto and Sapphire run out the building. Scarecrow jumps off the roof and lands in front of them.*

Scarecrow: HA HA!

Ditto: YOU! But how did you get past the scarecrows?

Scarecrow: I got ocarina! *holds up plain looking ocarina*

Ditto: You fiend!

Scarecrow: I'll never let you stop Murasame! Give me the bananapples!

Ditto: Saph, take...

*Ditto turns. Sapphire is gone.*

Ditto: o.o

Scarecrow: Eya hahahah--

*A mysterious red figure leaps out from the building, brandishing a parasol with a blade sticking out the top.*

Scarecrow: Ha ha... waitaminute... Who are you!?

Ditto: Can it be...?

????: The Lady in Red returns!

*Lady in Red steps between Scarecrow and Ditto.*

LiR: Get back to the farm, Mr. McCloaker. I can handle this.

Ditto: But what about Saph?

LiR: Oh, I wouldn't worry about her...

*Ditto nods and runs away. Scarecrow pulls a piece of straw out of his back.*

Scarecrow: No weapon can contend with my Straw Sword!

LiR: Let's not obsess about the effectiveness of our respective weapons...

*They trade a few strikes, circling the area.*

Scarecrow: Your sacrifice is in vein, you know. *jabs* I set the other scarecrows up to guard his car. *swipe* He'll never make it!

LiR: . . .

*Their weapons fly at each other. Lady in Red knocks the straw aside and slices through Scarecrow's left arm. Straw flies EV-RY-WHERE.*

LiR: Ha. Match.

Scarecrow: I can still fight!

LiR: I just cut your arm off!

Scarecrow: So?

*They continue dueling, though Scarecrow's skills are obviously lessened. Lady in Red knocks the straw from his hand and cuts off his right arm.*

LiR: Match?

Scarecrow: Just a flesh wound!

LiR: You don't have flesh.

Scarecrow: Eh...

*Scarecrow stomps on Lady in Red's feet with his pole-foot-thing. Lady in Red steps back and cuts it off.*

LiR: Match! *she slips past him*

Scarecrow: Hey! Come back! I'm invincible!

*Lady in Red strikes a match and throws it at him.*

Scarecrow: Uh...

~Zoom out of the field~

*There's a huge explosion where Scarecrow should be. Lady in Red keeps running.*

***

Ditto: Almost there... Almost...

*Scarecrows jump out of the field and grab Ditto.*

Scarecrow: Eya hahahaha!

Ditto: I know that laugh!

Scarecrow: That's right! That scarecrow back there was a decoy!

Ditto: So that last scene was pretty pointless...

Scarecrow: *shrug* No matter! Boys! Take him to the elevator!

Scarecrows: Sir!

*One of the scarecrows pulls out a sword and cuts the real Scarecrow's arm off.*

Scarecrow: Gyahh!

*The scarecrow pulls off his disguise to reveal...*

Ditto: Vorpal!

Vorpal: *grin flashes* Hey there, Ditto. I heard this to do with MMEDDP, so I thought I'd stop in.

*The scarecrows attack, but Vorpal easily sends their straw flying.*

Ditto: . . . Those were my best men.

Vorpal: -_-

Ditto: Eh, don't worry about. Now that you're back, we can foil the Birdocrats' plan and retake Washington!

Vorpal: Well...

Ditto: I'm sure you noticed that Election Day is coming up. It's only been twenty years since our last one. We can't have lost our charm yet.

Vorpal: Well, you see...

Ditto: So--

Vorpal: Ditto, I'm not going back.

Ditto: O_O

Vorpal: I'm sorry, but I really don't think I can trust politics anymore.

Ditto: But... but...

Vorpal: Look. I've got a family now. We're taking a tour of Japan. I got you a souvenier. *pulls out autographed copy of a golden-cased Super Mario Bros.*

Ditto: Aww... you shouldn't have...

Vorpal: Whoops! This is MY souvenier. *pulls out broken Mario keychain* Here's yours.

Ditto: -_-

Vorpal: Look Ditto. We can't go back to running the government, but that doesn't have to stop you from helping the government. You can still save the homeland. Just like in Harvest Moon: Save the Homeland.

Ditto: That's not even remotely similar to this.

Vorpal: *shrug* Either way... Don't get your hopes down. It's all you, man.

*A helicopter descends with a rope ladder extended. Vorpal grabs it and it lifts off.*

Vorpal: I saved you this time old man! Don't get used to it! Save the homeland! And... maybe Luigi while you're at it!

*The helicopter disappears.*

Ditto: :(

*Sapphire walks up.*

Sapphire: Hey, you made it.

Ditto: Yeah...

Sapphire: Was that Vorpal?

Ditto: Yeah...

Sapphire: Did he tell you we weren't going to restart the MMEDDP Party?

Ditto: :(

Sapphire: *puts hand on his shoulder* There there...

~Fade out...~

I wonder how Tam Nook is doing...

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